Rinse, repeat, replay

[Raine]

Man oh man oh man. How did this become my life? Mama said there'll be days like this, there'll be days like this Mama said. Would have been nice if Mama actually did say there would be days like this and I could have ran the opposite direction.

Roommate of H contacts me today, to get a hold of H. Is that weird or what? He looked me up online to contact me, just as he could have done the same to reach H. I told H and he was not happy, but saying that he shouldn't be annoyed by it, but he is. H says this guy has been asking him all these questions about me, and stocking me online. I am so creeped out. H proceeds to compliment me, my appearance, my qualities, yadda yadda, and how guys are so into this and that about me, but this guy is no where near good enough for me. What the hell!?! I am married. I'm pregnant. Why the hell is my H talking to me about other guys? Where the hell is his head? I can't help it and I start to get emotional on the phone. I told him I don't want to talk about it anymore and he apologizes for upsetting me. I just said I'm not in that place right now. I am so far removed from the thought of other guys. This has just really messed me up. I don't think it's the guy, it's that H is sitting there talking to me about me being with someone else.

He then lets me know that things are going good. That he is in a routine and he likes that, time for him, time for the boys. (Yes the whole 4 hours a week of time for the boys is great.) I am sure he is relived by the thought of me eventually being with someone else and not his responsibility while he can go and f-k whoever he wants and not feel guilty about it. He then says he has been looking at a place even closer to me, without roommates, so he can take the boys more. All I'm thinking of is so it's easier for him to have a place to bring women. He seems happy. He's talking about more permanent situations for himself. I guess I'll believe it when I see it. Believe nothing he says right. Can I just fast forward my life few years so I don't have to tell myself over and over to detach, detach, detach. Your H is gone?