EXPERIMENTING with physical touch with W

[Navyguy]

Just to add to this SM, after BD I did the same as you and even more. I ramped up physical touch, I fed her love through ALL FIVE love languages, I took over ALL duties around the house and I do mean ALL. I did 180's on every complaint she had. The result was she acted happier then she had in months, we got along fantastic, hell even our love-making improved. In MC she said I had transformed into the perfect H. We went from being cold and distant towards each other before BD to being a romantic, loving couple after BD. But guess what, SHE STILL LEFT!!!!! What I was seeing was all surface stuff, what was broiling away under the surface was something else entirely and what is underneath/ inside is what is driving the WAS. You are reading way too much into this and you are vastly underestimating how "done" your W is. You're looking for the tiniest signs of hope and placing all your chips on them. I know what you're doing, I did it too. And it led me to see a marriage recovery that just wasn't there.

^^^^^^^AND THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did this for about 2 years BEFORE W left and before I joined this site. W would tell me I was a great guy and a great dad and acknowledge that I had fixed the issues she had with me - but all that was really doing was making it harder for her to justify leaving - which, of course, built resentment toward me because SHE WAS DONE.

SM, you are right - I have been at this for a long, long time. Probably too long...but I am still here and I am still married. See that little "BITS" thing in my signature? That was a thing here on the boards when I signed up. It means "Brothers (or Babes) in the S***". I would say there was probably 30-40 of us at one point. I apologize if I am missing anyone, but as far as I know, only Denver and I are still around...like 25 said - DB'ing does not have a high success rate - but is better than the 0% chance you have without it. Look at all the vets' signatures. For those that were lucky enough to have their sitch turn around, true reconciliation took years.

And there are those here whose situations didn't turn around.

I'm not sure which group I'm going to end up in...but it really doesn't matter. All the long-time vets here have these things in common: they detached and are happy with who they are, proud of their efforts to become a better person, and they know they did everything their power to save their M's. That's what DBing is about.