Soul.Searching my way back.

[Soul.Searching]

Thanks AS,., your comment made me cry lol
I just don't know why I couldn't see things clearly before. I used to just make excuses for him. He did have a terrible childhood.
I can honestly say that H can be one of the nicest, most caring person I have ever met but he can also be one of the most rude, aggressive, self centered person I have ever met.
I had someone say to me recently that I was isolated when I was with H. I denied it but then after thinking it over, I realized I was. I feel so stupid for not seeing it before. I think maybe I just didn't want to see it.

I know H needs help. Everyone can see it. I used to find it kind of amusing that H would totally loose his sh1t if someone told him he needed anger management. Now I just find it sad.

I've resented for so long for the way he treated me. I didn't even think about the fact that I was enabling it. It was just as much my fault as him because I let it happen.

Deep down I don't think H will ever change long term, not for anybody, unless he gets help.

I had a lot of anxiety and self worth issues when I was with H but they are slowly fading. It's mostly sadness about it all now, mixed with bits of anger.