Thread #8 - It's time.

[Navyguy]

Hey 25! Nope, she's never commented specifically on my changes after EE - other than noticing how I had "given up and that made it easier for her to try to work on our M".

Have fun this weekend! I definitely plan to go back and do team sometime when life has settled down a bit.

I had a talk with W last night. She sensed something was up and asked what was going on, so I told her this:

"I am having a hard time figuring out where we are at and thinking about it is wearing on me. I'm not sure if you're committed to making our M work. I understand that the feelings will take time, and as long as I know you are committed to our M, I will have all the patience in the world.

I think the things you percieve as me being needy or pushy are actually things I am doing to try to figure that out. And if I know that you're committed, I won't have to fish for that answer anymore."

I told her she didn't need to answer right now. I'll give her a few days to process and if she hasn't brought it up by then, I'll follow up.

I'm not sure if she would consider a workshop like EE. I think she is a bit intrigued by it, but we haven't really talked much about it. It did come up when we were in Colorado over Christmas. W found out one of her good friends is headed toward a D - Of course, I haven't heard his side, but he sounds like a real dirtbag.

He strung her along for about 10 years. She finally left him, he came crawling back with a bunch of promises and asked her to M him. She fell for it, and of course he didn't follow through on any of the promises he made - and now he wants a D since she had the gall to hold him accountable for his promises.

Anyways, I recommended that maybe EE would be good for W's friend - she is a great person and seems like someone that really doesn't understand what she wants in life or what she deserves. W and I talked about it quite a bit, but I don't think she ever said anything to her friend about it.

So, to get to the point, I bring up subtle reminders about EE when I have the opportunity. Maybe someday W will decide she wants to give it a shot.

To answer your last 2 questions:

Yes, it is W's turn to grow and try. (not excusing myself from continuing to do so though!)

If she's not interested, I'll simply tell her that I'm not interested in being married to someone that won't make our M a priority in her life.

If she's not able - that's a tougher question - I haven't really thought about that much since I have no indication that she's tried and failed. I think the answer is the same in the end - I don't deserve to be in an unfulfilling M, and I'd need to free myself from it.