Although I'm low right now coming to these boards really helps. It makes me realise I'm not alone (does feel like it) even if I'm in a different country!
M - 37 W - 35 T - 11 M - 5.5 SD13 D10 S4 ILYBINILWY 15 Oct '12 Moved out 7 Dec 12 At present - Being the best dad i can be.
I'm pretty sure she doesn't drink daily only if there was a relatives birthday party etc but she definitely drinks to excess when she does drink. Since our S I have been at the same social club as her once, the kids were in her care although I enjoyed there company, spent time with them etc by the time I had to leave she was drunk and I did wonder if leaving the kids with her was the right thing to do? She has friends that are single with no kids and drag her out, sometimes my kids are in my care so no problem but if they are not and 'she's being dragged out' I worry that anybody could be looking after them. One weekend all 3 kids were at different carers!
Being with 3 different carers is not as concerning as her driving with the kids when she's drunk or the kids being exposed to her when she's drunk. Who takes care of the 3 yo when she's drunk and the kids are with her?
People don't "drag" her anywhere, she's an adult and makes a choice to go.
Do you think your kids are in danger?
[quote}Regarding no expectations - are you saying I should do my bit but don't expect anything back?
Thanks again [/quote]
Yes but also have no expectations of how she'll act toward you. That's part of detaching your feelings come from you not from how another person treats you. It's the ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be."
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
People don't "drag" her anywhere, she's an adult and makes a choice to go.
Agreed. Altho if she said no it wouldn't take a lot for her to change her mind!
Its hard to say if my kids are in danger most of the time she 'surrounds herself' with others that make her feel good so there is always someone there but if something happened in her home while intoxicated then there are no bounds.
She takes care of the kids while shes drinking/getting drunk she will quite easily go out at say 2/3pm and stay till close, there was never a quick drink in her vocabulary. As I said before I've been in the same venue once with W and I stayed to look after kids for as long as I could before leaving but when I left she was very drunk/slurring etc
Regarding Expectations/Detaching - I have a looonnnggg way to go (gulp!)
Thanks you
M - 37 W - 35 T - 11 M - 5.5 SD13 D10 S4 ILYBINILWY 15 Oct '12 Moved out 7 Dec 12 At present - Being the best dad i can be.
Labug - It worries the hell out me and wish she would ask me/my parents to BBsit then she can do as she pleases!
I've ordered Co-Dependant No More from Amazon and think that book will help me more than DR at the moment! In the meantime I will continue to walk the walk.
Thanks
M - 37 W - 35 T - 11 M - 5.5 SD13 D10 S4 ILYBINILWY 15 Oct '12 Moved out 7 Dec 12 At present - Being the best dad i can be.
Right peeps I don't know how you feel about this but after a meeting with my IC I mentioned I found it hard dealing with having no contact or communication with my W and she suggested I should tell her how I feel? Basically lay my cards on the table with as little pressure on her as possible?
Goes against every DBing principle but I can't live my life in limbo?
Don't know what I'm gonna say but I feel with me not contacting her, she might think I don't care anymore and don't wish the M to continue? For all I know she maybe waiting for me to reach out to her?
What do you think? Any suggestions? Any def No's but then why no?
It won't happen yet but at least if its not what I want to here I can then GAL.
Thanks, I know it's not practising what I preach but hope you understand.
M - 37 W - 35 T - 11 M - 5.5 SD13 D10 S4 ILYBINILWY 15 Oct '12 Moved out 7 Dec 12 At present - Being the best dad i can be.
Well I've had the weekend to think about it and I won't text or email her. Still feel low and incredibly lonely. Having the kids yesterday was great and because she was out (drinking) she text me twice extending the time I could take the kids back which of course I was fine with. I don't know what sort of state she was in as, again, she didnt come to the door.
My book, Co-dependant No More arrived today and will get stuck into that as soon as I get home.
I really want to text W and ask her what is happening with our R but I then face an answer that I might not like! Thats if I get a reply!
Thanks
M - 37 W - 35 T - 11 M - 5.5 SD13 D10 S4 ILYBINILWY 15 Oct '12 Moved out 7 Dec 12 At present - Being the best dad i can be.
