Wife lost in the MLC-We are now separated 2

[25yearsmlc]

I wish I had seen your message before I met with my W. I’ll give myself a D- for my performance tonight.

that does not make it a permanent grade of a D-.

My W delivered the exact message I thought she would during our meeting. She explained that she wanted to make our separation "more permanent” as she put it. She wants to move on with her life and that she is taking a different path, working on her independence, career, working out, etc. She was almost overly calm about the entire conversation.

that's YOUR spin on it...compared to what?? How YOU were feeling? She knows what she thinks she knows...all you know is you are hurt and REACTING...



It was light some of the time. Interesting she limited the times when she said she wanted a divorce, but instead said she wanted to make the separation “more permanent”.

I'm glad of that. It lessens her commentary's impact. MAYBE that means she has less certainty but we cannot KNOW...so we cannot assume anything.

She went onto say something about take all of the other people out of the picture and that she has not been happy for a long time. I said I thought we had got some of this this back a little last year.

As I said, no need to argue with her comments about HER perceptions now. Totally UNhelpful to you. What you resist, persists...do not forget.



She said maybe physically but, definitely no connection between us. I guess not when you sharing all of your emotions with someone else (and No I did not say that).
She talked about how we could see a counselor who could help us reach an agreement on the divorce agreement. Meaning helping us agree on the division of property in the divorce decree, nothing about the R. She thinks it might help if we had a third party, just for communicating and agreeing on the divorce property.

I don't see how it could hurt for her to see YOU ACCEPT her apparent choice,

And ACT AS IF

meaning you get it! You accept her decision, as terrible (for HER) as it is, and you get it.

YOU, otoh, will be FINE in the long run. AND NOW You finally see this!

You have had, an awakening! You will be fine no matter what she does. You must come to believe this. It must radiate from within you. It may only be then, that she sees the loss she will face by losing you.

See the list of "do's and don't's" for Newbies....

I unfortunately went down the R path more than I should. I said I had hope that we could eventually work through our problems. I also said we did not need to rush into anything like a life changing decision such as a divorce. I know, how stupid can I be after reading as much as I have and then mentally trying to keep the conversation away from this. To top it all with a nice cherry, lets ask her if she is sure this is what she wants....Of course it is. I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut, but no not me.


learn HOW to sthu. It's not easy, I know, but it's NOT complicated either.

I said that I thought there were options for us such as seeing a MC for six months to see if divorce was our only option. She said she was not willing to do that right now. I asked if divorce was her only option and she said yes. I know I shouldn’t have asked, but I did. I asked if the only way to make her happy was a divorce, I would not stand in her way. I then asked if a divorce was her only option...She had no answer for that and I left it alone.


well you did NOT "leave it alone"....you asked the same question several times. The more you corner her or challenge her choices, as I said, the more you force her to defend them and to confirm them. ENOUGH.


Will a divorce fix this problem her feelings of unhappiness and she corrected me to say she wants to move forward".

WE do not know. SHE probably does not know. Only time and some true changes on YOUR End, will lead you anywhere.

She went onto say even if we get a divorce, if people are meant to be together it can happen that they get back after divorce… She said she was not suggesting that this would happen to us, but it does happen? But that is not where she is right now.

I have 2 family members who divorced and then LATER on, remarried their exes. But none of them planned on that. They ALL changed and evolved. So there you have it. YES it happens but NOT because they planned on it or used tactics to do so.


I guess I should just quit now and sign the f*ing papers as much as I screw up. I’m tired and disappointed with the way I could not keep to the program.

we all grow at our own pace. And it's NOT LINEAR...and it's NOT smooth.