Separated, in different states....

[Lampstand]

We've been separated about 5 times (the shortest was 2 days the longest was 2 months). Every time was at my insistence or a 3rd party (MC). This last time I gave him an ultimatum to take 48 hrs to think about whether he wants to live according to our chosen religion or not. He's not being the moral/spiritual head of the family and he admits it. I said we "may have to separate until the children are grown". He just took off that night and lied to me when I asked if he was leaving. He came back the next morning, apologized, I accepted apology but said he couldn't just run off and come back like it was nothing. I said running away was a pattern. He agreed. He did this with his first W also when she started talking divorce (he took off for a few weeks and didn't tell anyone where he was and almost lost his job).

Then he took off again later that night when I was at church. Said he would call but didn't. He's only initiated contact once and that was last night by IM. Says he wants to work on his stuff but his health is getting in the way (sprained shoulder and pink eye--WTF???). I could go on but then I'd be accused of focusing on him too much.

Anyway, so the pattern is me getting sick of him promising to change and then changes are temporary and he backslides when he gets tired of it and then I tell him to leave. And he always leaves. And then I change my mind and tell him to come home. He comes home and makes new promise to change.

Rinse. Repeat.

I suspect he will want to come home when his parents really start pressuring him to get a job, find a place to live, pay his bills, grow up, blah, blah, blah. Then he'll be love bombing me. The thought of that makes me sick. I've fallen for it before. It won't be real.

So, I just need to purge myself of these gross feelings and then start working on my junk. I have to get this poison out of me before I can get well.

I do think that we've had great times and can return to that. If we both have the capacity to be honest. And set real boundaries that we can enforce. And love with detachment.