Im guilty of re writing history myself in regards to XH.
You know I've spent alot of time being so hurt, angry, and heart broken over all the horrible ways he's acted, that's all I've been able to see.
As I think about it, I guess that's all XH has really wanted me to see. Monster.
XH really was someone different many years ago, but over the last 8 years or so he's turned into the complete opposite of who I believe he really was.
I guess through all my hurt and anger, and thoughts of complete disgust with XH, I can somewhat identify his MLC Anger. It's like you get so pent up with anger and frustration you really want to take it out on someone just to make you feel better.
But the reality of that is KNOWING BETTER.
I realize that the irrational behaviors I talk about in regards to XH is what he's like NOW. That is who I deal with now.
Once upon a time he wasn't that way. Im going to work to stop demonizing him in my mind. At times he chooses to act like a Demon, but Ok. I know he wasn't always that way.
Im working hard on re wiring my thoughts to keep the flow of positive energy in my life so I can feel joy, happiness, and contentment. So Im going to try and think of a good quality that XH had/has instead of staying bitter and angry at him. I realize it's VERY HARD to re wire your thoughts when you have nothing but DOO DOO thrown at you from every angle. But once the DOO DOO tossing dies down a bit, you can rise from the sewage to shine bright and feel wonderful again.
