EXPERIMENTING with physical touch with W

[25yearsmlc]

I still feel I am getting mixed opinions advice.

Some are saying it's good to keep your W at home so she can see your changes. It's burns forever setup of course, but it's only been two months.

Others are saying I need to stand up for myself and kick her out and file for D.


I'm not sure anyone suggested this^^^...Be careful when you read our words. Even if they did suggest it, that does not make it DB advice.

Most people are here trying to follow MWD's philosophy but some come here with their own take on it. Sometimes it's just their perspective

and sometimes they're NOT preaching the DB way, but their own.

You have to be able to see that and discern for yourself.
We're not machines either. We also did DBing in fits and starts.

It's not all a linear process, and neither was the path to reconcilation.

But laurie didn't seem to think it was odd that only 2 months in, we still lived together. So I guess I stick with the pros and ignore the noise.

Especially the noise coming from people who got D'd in the end, or are still trying years later.

Never trust a skinny chef, as they say. =)


SM

the tragic fact is, most people here on this site, will end up divorced. Any marriage in a crisis has the odds against it.

So your main goal has to be to save yourself first and then the marriage. You cannot do the second without the first and in truth '

you both lost yourselves in this r. Save yourself.

GAL and be an interestING and interestED man...a better man, your best self.

When you know you have done this, then you'll need to let go and let God. Leave the results up to HIM.

I really think when you get conflicting advice you'll USUALLY know the better advice is the advice coming from a place of love & light, and not anger or punishment. Be wary the anger...we can rationalize things frighteningly well when we are hurt or feel wronged.

There will be times you cannot tell where the line between self respect and a needless boundary or false pride is.

I'm not proud to say that my wounded ego and sense of injustice OFTEN made me believe that some action was "morally right!"-

but in fact it was ME meting out the justice...my self righteous anger and that's not a place of light and love.


We all find those lines shifting and blurry at times. I found prayer helpful and really digging deep and being honest about my motives.

Try to Do the same.

I think when your focus is NOT on her or fixing her or her getting fixed or treated and blah blah blah

when you HEAR/HEED Crimson's and Denvers words,

you'll see the path more clearly.


No touching today. But W did brush up against me several times while picking up D3 or playing with her. I am maintaining my distance for now unless she is initiating.

The state fair is in town next week. It's W favorite thing to do. She has to get a baked potato from there.

So I think I will say 'I am taking D3 to the fair if you would like to join us'. Good idea?

sounds fine. Do NOT attach anything to her reaction. WRAP your brain around that detaching from the results.


Pace yourself.