First things first. I applaud you looking inside and trying to figure things out.
You want to come from a place of calm and strength when you are ready to try to save your marriage. And I think a whole lot has to happen before you get there.
Here's the thing. You are angry and confused and sad. And while you are those things, it really is best for you to put the fixing or saving of your marriage aside until you are in a better place.
The thing about dbing is that changes need to take place. But the changes have to be real or the spouse can see right through them.
In order for the changes to become real, you need to live them each and every day. Not for a month or two.
So, you are starting to see your part in the problems of the marriage. That's good.
I think it best that you do not contact your h right now. You are going round and round in circles and that will just confuse the situation.
Continue to dig deep. You need to own your stuff. His stuff is his.
