oh wow! ok so that post gives a lot of ideas on where you can work on yourself. This is a 2x4 that is meant to help you not hurt you.
DB is about how YOU can change to be a better partner. Be it for you current H or a future partner or to be a better person in any type of a relationship.
Your H dropping the ball on the marriage is an opportunity for you to reflect on yourself and be a better YOU! Some things I read in your post are: anger management resentment boundaries self pity
anger management. when talking about the DV issue, you blame him for doing xyz. YOU broke the laptop. YOU decided to REACT. You need to accept that this was YOUR fault. Disregard the lies he told the police. The truth is YOU reacted out of anger when you could've been more mature and communicated your needs.
resentment. You have a case of the "he he's." He did this, he did that. I did this for him, etc. You need to let go of the resentment. How do you do that? well ask yourself, "How did you contribute to this resentment?" That's why you're really upset. Not because of what he did but what YOU didn't do! You didn't set boundaries. Which leads me to...
boundaries. Did you communicate to him how much it bothered you that he would bring up other women and how much he wanted them or was jealous other people could hook up with them? If you did, did you repeat your boundary? If he continued, did you get up and walk away or ask him (in a polite way) that you'd rather end the conversation? This again, is more about you then him.
self pity. This is my favorite! I grew up feeling so comfortable feeling sorry for myself. Poor me, I did this and got this response instead! Since DBing I no longer feel comfortable feeling sorry for myself. Of course not! You know why? Because I realized that I choose to hold on to resentment. I also choose to let them go. I choose my boundaries and I need to express them so they don't become resentments.
Sorry it was so long. I'm gonna cut it short and say that you are a wonderful person inside and out. Be sure to tell yourself "I love you" in the mirror everyday. 5times a day! And everyday write down what you're grateful for!
Take care of Lampstand!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
