EXPERIMENTING with physical touch with W

[Tallula]

I think it is up to each person what they will tolerate. But setting boundaries is important, only if you are ok with them and will follow through. It is still early in your sitch. While my H was still with OW, I set the boundaries of no money spent on her, no texting & calling her at our home, and no overnight stays. It was what was ok for me. Then when he broke it off with OW and was wanting to move forward with the M, but still keep her as a FB friend and not be transparent & was being secretive with his phone, I discovered after a week that it wasn't working for me. So I calmly stated that I needed those things, or we needed to separate.

I believe you are mainly getting the same advice. You need to start looking at you and what you want. There is a difference in living with your W while she is seeing OM & setting some boundaries, and just letting her do whatever she wants just hoping she'll wise up & pick you.

In all your posts you are so focused on her. If I do this GAL, SHE will like it. Trust me, I get it...but you really need to start looking at what you like & want. I'm redecorating my house. I don't care if H likes it, I do. I'm painting& drawing again, because I like it. My H & I were talking yesterday. A month or so before Dday he really started being verbally abusive. About a month ago when he would start, I would calmly put my hand up and say "I won't be spoken to like this. Please come get me when you are ready to talk to me respectfully." this was hard for me, because...well, it just was. So he said the other day, that he really liked when I stood up for myself. I didn't do it for any reason other than I knew I deserved to be treated better. Before that I was scared to "rock the boat". No one is trying to tell you what to do, but trying to direct you to look at what you want and should & shouldn't put up with...regardless of what you "think" your W will do.