I love you, all. You've been so kind and encouraging, as always.
BF, I wonder if we can send private messages through this site. Otherwise, we won't be able to exchange info. You are right that the grieving process continues. I had a nice break while in CA, and truly felt detached and happy, but being back in CT means being back to my sitch, so it's been hard, plus my H's attitude hasn't helped.
Spartan, GTO, Andrew and Tumbling, thank you for believing in me and for your words of hope. Thanks for bringing up Eckhard Tolle's words, Tumbling. They're words of truth. I've continued listening to my Wayne Dyer CD's, which really helps, too. This is the way it is with most problems in life. When we're in the midst of them, it's tough to visualize the way out, but there is always a way out, and always a way to make the best out of what happens to us.
I spoke with my coach today, and her advice was surprising to me. She told me to email my H with a statement acknowledging my role in what happened (down to the details) and also listing all the positive things I see in him. She also said it was good to give him a b-day card and present on his birthday (which is next Saturday.) She says my H is conflicted and that we never addressed his own pain through this process. She says I always focused on how his A hurt me and how I was betrayed, but did not acknowledge the pain he went through and how he lost the trust he had in me. She says the point of this is that he doesn't feel I'm going to "nail him to the wall" and that this is our only chance to have a friendship in the future, which might or might not lead to reconciliation, but it's our only chance anyway. So I don't know. I'm conflicted myself. I wrote the email, but will wait till tomorrow to send it. Maybe bc I feel so hurt I'm reluctant to once more be the one who gives, the one who reaches out. My H never replied to my email of three days ago when I tried to empathize with him, so I don't like that. I don't want to keep putting my feelings out there for him to squash them, but I guess I could. Not sure. Will decide tomorrow. After all, my coach is an expert.
I will meet with the L tomorrow, and will decide whether to end my contract with him or not. So if he doesn't deliver, I'm out. My H will be happy about that. No word from him in regard to the statements, which really puzzles me.
