finding my way

[littleGTO]

Thanks, Tallula,
I think making plans on VDay sounds like a great way to get through it.

I've even thought about getting a kitten w my boys. I've never really been a cat person, but my S11 LOVES cats & so do the other boys. Cats are much more low maintenance than dogs, too. I think it might give us all something to change our focus a little and add a little needed love in our home. Any thoughts about this???

[afa75]

Well that might be a 180
...an if your boys would like it, then go for it.

Oh, and your backslide sounds minor. Look at some of what the rest of us have done.

If you want H to have a small VDay, present, have it come from the kids.
And give yourself one too.
(((( )))))

[2chiquitos]

I agree about making plans on VDay. Same suggestions are given for the holidays (thx, xmas, nye). You plan ahead and plan for events that lead up to that day, if that is helpful. I was considering doing something nice for a couple of my friends starting on Feb 1st. kinda like a kris kringle but for VDay. Paying it forward is a great way to build self-esteem!

BTW, getting a cat is a great idea! low maintenance!

[tori2012]

GTO, don't send anything on V-day, except if it's from the kids, like Andrew said. And the email was pursuit behavior but it's not a major backslide.

The sex? Maybe your H sensed it was a weekly obligation for you. Do a little bit of thinking about that. I think most of us miss it but it's kind of understood so no one talks about it. Being touched is a human need, so...

I'm super allergic to cats so I won't be able to visit you anymore :-) But I see how people like them. They're cute and low maintenance.

[littleGTO]

Thanks for the feedback about VDay, Andrew, vero & Tori,

Good idea about only gift from boys, although they wouldn't normally get him something--me maybe, but not him!

I LOVE the idea about "pay it forward!" Maybe that could be a goal for every day in February..or 2-3 times a week anyway!

I'll think about the kitten...I know that cats can have such diverse personalities & I'd want one that would love to be held and around people a lot.

Tori, my MIL (H's sister) & her girls are also highly allergic too, but they only visit us 3-4 times a year, so I'm not sure that should keep us from getting one.

Also, should H have any say in this (in case he ever DOES come back)? Or, would he see this as a "I guess she is going to make decisions w/o me." (i.e. "acting as if")

[ForeverYoung]

Also, should H have any say in this (in case he ever DOES come back)? Or, would he see this as a "I guess she is going to make decisions w/o me." (i.e. "acting as if")

Heck no. Let him find the cat, and dozens of other new and exciting things in your life on his own. You want him to know you are moving on with your life as you see fit, not waiting around for him or his approval.

[ThisDayForward]

Little you should probably not get him anything. You already see how he acted when you told him you had a meeting. He probably did think you were getting a L. You were stopping the pursue cycle. Listen I didn't get my W anything for our 8 and 9 year anniversary.
It is pursuit. You have to act like you are moving on without him.

I think getting a cat or a dog or an elephant is a great idea. It is a 180 and small dynamic change.

You need to let him go.

Curious. Did he reply to your email. Did you like the reply? I would be surprised if he did or if you like the response.

I am speaking from experience. I use to ask my W when we were separated if she missed me. She said "no, just the kids." I stopped the pursuit from that point on.

By you sending emails and cards you allowing him to still say to himself "she is still hooked"

What are you doing to GAL? What have you done to change the dynamics at home? Cat is a good start. What about appearance? What can you do with the kids that he would never do?

It is very hard work. Keep up the good work

[littleGTO]

thanks, FY and Power!

H did not respond to the "I miss you" email at all. I wasn't surprised. He didn't even acknowledge he received it which he usually did in the past.

I know I need to let him go. I feel myself starting to.

I actually feel GOOD today. I can't believe I'm saying this out loud...it is the FIRST day I can remember in a very very long time that I'm feeling this way. I can't put my finger on WHY but I'm not going to try to analyze it too much for fear of squashing the feeling! I just feel like myself a little!

GALs this weekend--today I'm meeting w an old friend after work for drinks. Tomorrow night I am going out to dinner w a friend too! Boys have basketball games (3) all Saturday morning/ afternoon. May go bowling w my boys tonight.

Okay, so NO Valentine's gift for H. Get plans instead.

Like the idea of a kitten/cat more and more. Boys would LOVE this!

Can't afford to change things at the house too much, but am thinking of redoing our den--painting, new window valances, changing up all the pictures/art work. Eventually I would LOVE to redo bedroom for ME!

[ThisDayForward]

Make EVERYTHING about you! FOCUS on you. Keep yourself mysterious

[tori2012]

Happy for you, GTO, that you're feeling well today. Keep it up! Painting will make a big difference in the look of your house. Go for it!