NO CHANGES FROM HIM AT ALL...so, any suggestions about what I could do differently???? Show up on his doorstep in a teddy w a bottle of wine?
Drive up in a mint 68 GTO convertible with Ram Air III motor and Muncie 4 speed with a teddy on and a bottle of wine. I would marry any woman that did that, no questions asked, LOL!
Seriously though, you can only do things indirectly. Detach, GAL, get your hair styled differently, change your makeup, spruce up your wardrobe, always look your best when he's around but focus your attention elsewhere. Make him see what he's missing.
Here's another guy the teddy would work on. Hell, it's been so long just knocking on front door would work with me .
Seriously GTO I think you were joking but just in case I think that's a bad idea. Why reward him for being an idiot? Save that idea for you next R (either with someone else or a new one in future with H).
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
I WAS just kidding, of course!! I have way too much respect for myself to stoop to that level.
On the topic of sex though...it became a weekly "obligation" in my M for me after the kids were born. I always enjoyed myself during but the anticipation didn't excite me.
NOW, I am missing it A LOT. I know that doesn't get talked about here much and I don't miss it any where close to just the emotional connection, but I do miss the intimate connection too (not just the sex, but the feelings you get when you make love to someone you love).
Anyway, I didn't come on here today intending to discuss this...
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
February is tomorrow. So, we all know that means Valentine's Day.
Is the general consensus that LBS's simply ignore the day where S is concerned, esp when there is a OP in the scene???
I HATE, HATE, HATE that H will be expressing his love to OW, instead of me.
I've thought about sending a dozen red roses, with one colored rose for HOPE, having them delivered at his work where SHE is! But, I know this is pursuing behavior and it probably wouldn't be well received. Then again, at this point I feel like I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
I probably should just save my money.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Save your money. Focus on yourself. Go treat yourself. Get an extreme makeover. If your hair is curly, straighten it. Goto the gym. Get highlights. Get a pedicure and manicure. Buy new perfume. If you don't wear jeans, wear jeans. Do not give him a thing. Do not be available on Vday. Go out to eat with friends on that day. Shut your phone off and don't be available. Take care of yourself. Focus on what you can control that is you.
February is tomorrow. So, we all know that means Valentine's Day.
Is the general consensus that LBS's simply ignore the day where S is concerned, esp when there is a OP in the scene???
I HATE, HATE, HATE that H will be expressing his love to OW, instead of me.
I've thought about sending a dozen red roses, with one colored rose for HOPE, having them delivered at his work where SHE is! But, I know this is pursuing behavior and it probably wouldn't be well received. Then again, at this point I feel like I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
I probably should just save my money.
Every sitch is different. You have to figure out what is best for you and yours. Will it pull you closer, or push him away?
I know my wife will appreciate a card, even though she might not acknowledge it, so she will be getting one. Besides, there's an outside chance she'll get me one. I don't want to be caught with my pants down, with no card for her.
It will be a friendly or funny card, nothing mushy about love and kisses, no flowers or candy to go with it. I looked today and there are plenty like this made for giving a friend. Found one I almost went for, because it made me laugh and is the truth:
"I'm still not sick of you"
(open card)
"Happy Valentines day!"
I decided it could look a little cold, so I nixed it. On the other hand, making that kind of bold statement could be seen as very assertive and confident, traits women like in men. What do you all think?
We have a pile of blank cards in our office with nature scenes on the front. I'll probably just pick one of those and write something non-pursuing, non-mushy inside commemorating the day.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Unfortunately for me VDay commemorates the anniv of when I first started noticing things were really not right w H. He took me to a jewelry store w kids in tow on the actual day & said "Pick something out for your bracelet" then left me to pick it out & pay for it while he took boys outside to wait. Really romantic, huh?
In retrospect I can't believe how clueless I was about the OW for so long (H told me in June after 6 months)!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Today... Well, from DBing standards this would probably be considered a backslide, but to be honest I don't think I have anywhere to go except forward.
I emailed my H today for the first time since the beginning of January. I simply said, "Emailing you just to say hello. I miss talking to you. I miss us."
I figure it can't do any damage. I am hardly pursuing. It's been over a month since we've really talked about anything other than kids. And, I really wonder if he's starting to question where my head is..
...because one day I said, "I might be meeting w someone today and he said, "Who?"
I said, "I don't know if I will be or not," but it wasn't anything I wanted to share w him.
Later that day he asked if I had a meeting...I said "no."
Then the next night I talked to him on the phone & said I had something I wanted to talk w him about. He said, "Is it bad news." I said, "Well, good & bad, I guess."
It was all about setting up a FC appointment for kids. I'm quite sure he thought I contacted a L and was going to let him know.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I don't have much to say about your email, as I'm just starting my separation any day now, but it's probably pursuing at little.
As far as V day, our anniversary is a few days after my plan is to go get a pedi & buy myself perfume. H's bday is this month too. I do plan on having the kids make him something & baking a cake & taking it to his place after work that day. I always do his bday up big since his family never did & his parents are deceased, so that would be a small gesture.
Hang in there.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
my plan is to go get a pedi & buy myself perfume. H's bday is this month too. I do plan on having the kids make him something & baking a cake & taking it to his place after work that day. I always do his bday up big since his family never did & his parents are deceased, so that would be a small gesture.