Wife lost in the MLC-We are now separated 2

[25yearsmlc]

OK so yesterday was a bad day for me. I’m hurting and tired of the process, but I will still stand.

I’m sure that having a meeting with my W on Wednesday is why I am so stressed out. I have all of these things running through my head as to what she wants to talk about. She said a very generic things and the “agreement”. The agreement was the legal separation document that we had written up by the mediator. About a week before she left I said I would not sign it in the way it was written because it left a lot of ambiguity in almost every section. She agreed and we have not spoken of it since.

I guess my biggest fear is that she’s going to take this and say, I want a divorce. I know there is nothing I can do about what she wants, but it is NOT what I want. My real questions here are how do I handle it if she says that she want a divorce and will not take NO for an answer. We live in a state that there is no wait time for a divorce.

as you probably know, the state grants a divorce, so the LBS spouse does not have to consent to it if one spouse wants a divorce. The most an LBSer can do is perhaps delay a settlement of property or dispute custody but that would only slow things down and custody is not relevant to your sitch anyhow.

So you do Not have the power of saying "no" and she can take no for an answer or not, BUT if she wants a divorce, you cannot stop it. Surely she knows this.

But fwiw, I have 2 family members who went all the way thru divorce, only to remarry their ex spouses a few years later. So yes It happens.


A legal separation is the same as a divorce except you cannot marry while you are separated and to then obtain a divorce you are required to do the paperwork again.


make sure of this^^, b/c in this state, a sep was nothing different than being married,

except it prevented my h from mortaging our home or using other assets to "invest" on the frontier.

So It kept our property protected. And I was able to stay insured as were the kids, and I think filing something MIGHT have made a point to him. [b]Not sure.[/b] But make sure you really know what this means in your state. Have you spoken to a div lawyer?


I have borrowed (ok stole) a few thoughts from reading other peoples sitch and modified them to help me convey to my W if she takes the conversation to discuss her wanting a divorce.
1. I understand you must do what you feel is best, I must also do what I feel is best and at this time I do not feel a divorce is what I want

irrelevant and argumentative. Just hear her out. She does not need your permission.

2. I will not stand in your way, [s]nor will I assist you in your plan for the divorce; I will obtain a lawyer to assist in protecting me
3. I will consider the things you have said, your concerns and your demand for a divorce. I will think about it, but as of right now I do not willing to agree to one

"I HEAR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING."

what is your goal here? TO look LESS Controlling? B/c it's not working.

It's you pretending to have power you do not have. Why?

Why not simply tell her you heard her, that it isn't what you want BUT YOU "GET IT" and leave it at that??

What's with pretending you have any choice? And why tell her you'll get a lawyer too?

*Of course you should hire one, but why tell her?) That makes it seem as if you are trying to get a reaction from her or to manipulate or intimidate her in some way. IF SHE ASKS, which I doubt, then tell her.

Why say it before??

Thoughts??

see above

and don't forget, nothing is written in stone. You may have to release her to her "task" b/c she may see this as a "mission she is on" and you are the obstacle to her happiness.

She might have to discover on her own, that she's incorrect...


The more you resist, the more it persists...don't challenge her choices or keep telling her you do not agree with them.

She KNOWS how you feel.

Plus, it only forces her to defend and solidify those choices.

Keep your "parental" voice more to yourself, so she can hear her own inner voice asking her wth she is doing.


Make sense?