He asked me how long was I willing to wait, told him I was unsure. But that I haven't exhausted every avenue so right now I don't want to file.
Your journal entries are not really DB'ing, but more of a "dear diary". As far as I can tell you're just rolling through life and not doing a thing to work on yourself which is what you need to do if you want to have any hope of restoring your marriage. Try and keep your journaling focused on your faults in the marriage, your 180's, what you're actively doing to restore the marriage and how your W is responding to that. It's OK to talk about your GAL activities although I'm really questioning a divorce group as being a beneficial GAL activity. You mention that you "haven't exhausted every avenue", but as far as I can tell you haven't even gone down a single avenue yet!
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So I'm racking my brain tryin to figure out how can I 180 some of the things my wife said were my faults.
1) Be more involved with the kids. The only possible thing I can think of is to just go out and get my own place and move out of my parents even though I would hate to have to break a lease if she decided to let me back home.
Why do you need your own place? Take them to the park. Take them out to eat. Take them to a movie. Play board games with them. Sign them up for scouts, or sports. Take them to volunteer at a soup kitchen. Get them out, get involved with them!
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2) Show more "love" to her 2 daughters. She felt as though I never really loved her 2 daughters like she loved my 3. And that I was stricter to the oldest (16) the. I was to the others.
You can do this by involving them in the above activities.
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3) put her first before anyone else.
What does that look like to you? How can you tell if there's progress? How do you measure that progress? Try and break it down into measurable goals.
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I ask these questions because I know I need to detatch and GAL for Me, but if I am also suppose to 180 those bad things as well how can I do that and show her than my small changes are consistent if we don't live in the same household and if we're not really on speaking terms other than when she wants/needs something or for our D(5)?
Detach doesn't mean abandon. It means you pull back and give her time and space, but you do so lovingly. Here's an article on detachment that someone else posted today:
As far as not being in the same household, many of us are not. Your 180's will get back you your wife anyway. I promise you, if you start reaching out to the kids and getting more involved with them your W will definitely know about it. The kids will excitedly fill her in on every detail.
