What if this is as good as it gets ????

[ericmsant2]

Sunny, while I was typing my response you posted...so I have a few more questions.

1) What state are you in?

2) When you say everything is mandated...what does that mean?

3) No fault state or fault state

Oh...one more comment....do NOT allow HER to RUSH YOU. YOu take your time and think thing through. She wants out to be with OM, well she can pack up and leave today. Her needs are NOT your problem or issue anymore.

Eric

[SunnyBurst]

Sunny, while I was typing my response you posted...so I have a few more questions.
1) What state are you in? 2) When you say everything is mandated...what does that mean? 3) No fault state or fault state Oh...one more comment....do NOT allow HER to RUSH YOU. YOu take your time and think thing through. She wants out to be with OM, well she can pack up and leave today. Her needs are NOT your problem or issue anymore. Eric

Actually I am rushing her -- LOL --- she is getting residence I will see SUNNY JR one night a week for dinner and do to my work schedule I will get him every other Saturday night and pick drop him off Sunday night. She gets 17% of my salaries for child support thats mandated. We sell the house pay off our credit card debt and split the proceeds - we split our 401k's pretty much simple stuff really. I think one of the reasons I stayed in this sitch so long was my guilty of being such a selfish controlling husband but I know I really stepped up to the plate and did as well as I could - for 24 months is the best I can do she must be on the 5 year MLC she is deep in the tunnel and I can't be the best me living with her.
T squared the ONLY regret I have is not keeping this affair thing to myslef - we had an arguement on Tuesday night about dating with my son in the house and guess what - she ran out the door and into his arms -- so I should have kept the info cloase to the vest - maybe the affair would have ended and she would have seen something - don't know - the thing is me getting angry and saying get a lawyer made it happen immediately - I didn't take time to think it through - and that is a problem for me as a person - it's a weakness and
I gave into it - I tend to make things huge in my head and go over them again and again.

Now we go forward all hope and prayers - trusing in the bigman up there and I can' not tell you ALL what your love - support and words have done for me -

Much Much Love,

Sunny

[SunnyBurst]

is that the worst job of spelling, grammer and punctuation I have ever seen !!

[SunnyBurst]

that is -- oye !!!

[ericmsant2]

she is getting residence I will see SUNNY JR one night a week for dinner and do to my work schedule I will get him every other Saturday night and pick drop him off Sunday night.

Is this ^^^ what You want?

[SunnyBurst]

she is getting residence I will see SUNNY JR one night a week for dinner and do to my work schedule I will get him every other Saturday night and pick drop him off Sunday night.

Is this ^^^ what You want?

With my 2 jobs and work schedule its the best I can do - good point to make some flexibility in it I will think of a strategy or some kind of flexibility in it.

[SunnyBurst]

I am such an ass - she told me she was going out tomorrow and I asked her with who - she said none of your business and I asked what the name of the guy she was having the affair withs name was she told me none of your business
She said we are not married it's just a piece of paper I don't love you we are done - let both get on with our lives I am not putting a relationship on hold just because of a peice of paper - date whoever you want I don't care -
I am just making everything worse I don't know what I think I will accomplish by grilling her but I am so pissed off that she would do something like this - but how am I surprised
Is there something wrong with me I mean I STILL want to reconcile - REALLY - WTF is that about !!! -- How could I possibly still care - but I f'in do !!!

Sunny

[SunnyBurst]

Just saw my therapist she thinks it is imperative that I call her parents who live 1500 miles away tell them about my wifes erratic behavior and explain the meeting of the guy in the car and why I am going forward with the divorce - I know this is against DB principles what do you think I should do.

Sunny

[trainthruhell]

Sunny:

I am sorry you are going through this. I'd take your therapists advice, what can it hurt. They need to know why, and you will be telling them the facts. The other thing to do is reread ericmsant2's reply to you a few entries back;

1. Breathe
2. Stop talking to her, she is not your friend.

You will get through this. Trust me. One day at a time. Surprises, good and bad abound. Focus on you and little sunny.

[ericmsant2]

Sunny

The other thing to do is reread ericmsant2's reply to you a few entries back

I agree!

why I am going forward with the divorce

Why are you going through with the D? Oh…I know, you are pissed off that she is with an OM. I get it I totally do. I agree with your position of….no contacting OM while you are in the house, etc. That said, IMO, you rang the divorce bell thinking it would “shake her as* back to reality”, which I understand; however at the core it is manipulation on your part. Why? You are spinning right now….you keep thinking that somehow you can talk your way out of this, that somehow you can TELL HER what she can and can not do. FTR, IMO, you cannot TELL HER. Your actions should be doing all of the talking – not your words.
That is why I said ealier STFU. Stop talking to her. Right now, you are not in an emotional place to have a conversation with you. Consider this…1) chances are she is going to LIE to your face, which is going to piss you off even more. 2) She has told you how she felt, which is that she is no longer in love with you. So do you think you are going to be able to talk her back into being in love with you?

As for telling her parents, that is your call. I not saying NOT to nor am I saying to do it. My only comment would be….if you are gonna do it YOU better be in the position of “holding on to your nuts and standing your ground”.

Who filed for the divorce? Who contacted the mediator?

You are at a crossroads buddy….personally I would do the following, but that is me and you are not me...so you need to do what works for YOU:

1) If you pay for her cell phone – cut it off. Period. Just turn it off. If she does not like it she can purchase her own plan.

2) Set up a parenting schedule with your son and start to follow it NOW.

3) Why are you working 2 jobs? Why? Do you really need to? If you do, why do you, is it because she does not make enough…because your combined expenses are more than you can cover? If so, then cut your expenses. Stop trying to be Mr wonderful with her (that is not saying be an as*).

4) If you really do not want the house, put it on the market – NOW.

5) Do you have joint credit cards and/or bank accounts? If so, close them if possible or open your own.

6) Are you paying bills in her name? If so, stop it. She can pay for them herself.

7) You can tell her parents if you so choose but I would not expect anything different. Why? Cause think about it for a sec…it is almost like “going to mom to complain about your big brother”. If you want her to stop the A, then let your actions do the talking i.e. show her what life will be like when you are not around.

8) You talk about little sunny, yet you will only see him one day a week and every other Saturday night. Is that what you want for little sunny…is that the R you want with him? If not, then DO NOT agree to it!

9) Stop snooping, stop treating her like your property. If you do not want something done i.e. no texting OM while she is in the house – then cut off the phone! My point, say what you need to say ONCE and then act on it!

10) Finally…….you are afraid right now….it is all over your post. Stop being afraid! You will survive this…how though…is all up to you.

Now…what is the game plan?

Are you in the garden state?