EXPERIMENTING with physical touch with W

[Navyguy]

SM - if your W is anything like mine, she'll accept the touching, but feel pressured by it at the same time...and pressure = pursuit.

You've got to detach. I just skimmed your previous thread. Looks like you were talking about an OM only 10 days ago and now you're temperature taking multiple times in a day and analyzing the bejeezus out of it. It's time to hit the brakes here - you're speeding toward a brick wall right now.

In your last thread, Anotherstander posted this: "...a place where you truly do feel that you can continue your life with or without your W. When you get there, nothing your W does or says will impact your PMA. It's then that they start realizing they don't have power over you anymore and they could very well lose you. That might lead to new soul-searching on their part. Just don't try to rush the process, if you try to force it then it'll usually come off to the WAS as pressure and that's not a good thing."

That is detached - and that is what works. It took me 2 years to get there. I still love my W dearly, but if she packed up her stuff and left tomorrow, I know I'd be fine and ready to continue life without her. I will also tell you that if you're putting up with her seeing OM while she's still married to you and living with you, there's no way you're detached...you're clinging to hope. If you were detached, the next time she saw OM there'd be signed D papers waiting for her when she got home.

You've been at this for less than 2 months. Everyone is telling you to GAL - they're right. At this point you need to do it to give yourself time to work on YOU. Unless you've had some kind of divine intervention on your understanding of human emotion, there's no way you've fixed the things about you that made your M go wrong. You're probably just now starting to really look in the mirror - and once you have, making changes will certainly take a lot longer than 10 days (i.e. the radical shift you posted about 10 days ago).

We're about the same age - you'll know you've made the changes you need to make when guys in their 50's and 60's start telling you that they wish they understood what you do when they were 33 or 34.

Sorry for the harsh tone here...but you're playing with fire. Take it from the guy with the burn scars to prove it.

Read my old threads - read Denver's old threads. You'll see what I'm talking about. We both made the same mistakes you're making...over and over and over and over.