W called to ask me some particulars for our separation, as she's having a mutual friend who works for the local courthouse help get us the forms we need and to get the process started. I've made it clear from the start that I'm an unwilling participant, but I'm going along with it because my W wants to get out, and I will help her do what is necessary to achieve that.
I told her again that I don't want this, and she said she understood, but that she needs it. She also wanted me to understand that to her, legal separation is no different from divorce, except that she can't remarry. This means should she require love from someone, she is free to look for it. And I'm not on the list of people she'd look for.
I reiterated that my goal is to work on and improve myself for the first time in my life, with the hopeful purpose of reconnecting with each other at some point in the future. She said, that's fine, but I need to understand that she is not obligated to feel or do anything with me any more. I understand that, but it's hard to take.
I also learned that my plan to keep our house is probably not going to work. The full amount of child/spousal support she will be eligible for will be too much for me to be able to support both households.
Just feeling pretty down at the moment. Hearing from her the state of her emotions as well as how badly this will affect me financially is rough to take together or separately.
