Limbo Land II

[Tallula]

I see what you mean about the contridictions you were experiencing but I'm still confused.

Without regurgitating what I've already written I'm not sure how to explain it. What about when their words are negative and the actions seem to be in line.

For example, in my sitch, she says she doesn't want to get back together with me and she's happy with OM. She's living with OM, they're going out on dates, and there is very little negative talk about him and basically I'm non-existent. It's like she truly wants me out of her life completely and the more I LRT, go dark, I'm just giving her exactly what she wants so she can forget about me.

But, then, that's focusing on her. I just try and find comfort in those DB rules and could accept the "what they say" part b/c it gives me hope that it's the fog/EA/depression speaking and if I DB I stand a chance of getting her back b/c she's just trying to hurt me right now.

But I don't see actions on her part like getting lovey dovey with me or coming by the house when I'm around or anything...so how do I believe less than 50% of what I see?

Well, my H kept saying he was done with our M. Ignored me. Was barely civil. Done, done. Spending the night over at OW, sleeping on the couch. Now, even though we are separating more explained over at my thread, he sees a future & had been sleeping in our bed for 2 weeks. He spoke in absolute negatives. He told me he thought we were totally done. Now, 2 months later he sees a future for us.

They can be in total turmoil and not show it. You have no idea what is really going on in your wife's head, heck she probably doesn't either. I see more clearly now than ever why DB and everyone on these boards stresses detaching, GALs and 180s! The moment I really put my own needs at the top of the list regardless of what H would do, not only do I have more peace, but he sees that I am willing to live with or without him. No anger. Go have the space to figure out you. He now keeps saying his fear is that he will know he can change, and that I'll figure out I'm done. It may happen, who knows. But I just listened. I didn't even have the urge to say "Yeah, that could happen!!" Cause in the past I would have with the hope that it would scare him into not leaving. I'm not scared to be without him anymore. I'm sad. I do hope my M can be saved and awesome. But I'm willing to let him go, to find out. Might he start up with OW again? Maybe. But I choose to not spend much of my time worried about it. It's none of my business.

This stuff is hard. REALLY hard!