Good stuff Spartan. I remember thinking thru conversations hours later, replaying in my head how I listened, what I heard, how I spoke. Part of my process and it seems, yours too.
Originally Posted By: Spartan
Looking back I think the big shift in me happened when she had a PA 8 years ago and we never really resolved the hurt I felt. I've been afraid to trust her since then. At least through all this I did bring it up during one of our talks and let her know how much it hurt. Not much of a response from her but I honestly felt better and it felt like a huge weight was lifted off me. For some strange reason I felt like that helped me get over it if that makes any sense.
More parallels. My W had a sexting EA about 6-7 years ago, and we never addressed the "why did it happen" or the "how do we heal from it." We just swept it under the rug and trudged thru it. That was really the beginning of the end in my mind, because not only did I not become a better H, my insecurities became reality and I became worse. I never healed and I drove my W further and further away due to fear.
I was able to let it go thru true forgiveness. When I really did forgive my W, I noticed an almost instant change in myself. Anger was replaced with understanding and compassion, I didn't bring it up when we got into fights, my "scorecard" was erased.
