Wow, have things changed

[Tallula]

Hey, NOTHING to do with your sitch, but home improvement and construction is one of my passions. This is regarding your cabinets. I recently remodeled a bathroom and used a product to renfinish the vanity.It comes in all sorts of colors, and you can vary the looks of the character with different application techniques. It is involved, but very DIY friendly. If it is something you think might work for you, send me a message, and I will fill you in on it and give you a few pics to show my before and afters. It turns out amazing!

How do I send you a message? I've been wanting to refinish my kitchen cabinets for a few years, but now that I'll have a weekend without my littles running around, I can do it! I also want to refinsh the vanity in my bathroom.

This sounds really tough about the S. The fact that both of you realize this could save your M seems promising. To me it seems like a baby step, especially for him, to fess up that he needs to change since you already have.

Glad you have some GALing planned. It's hard to get your mind off of your SO. Even when I'm GALing I find myself thinking about SO b/c I have this feeling that I'd enjoy it with their company. When you get those thoughts, if you do, just get re-focused on your task ASAP.

The furniture thing...yeah, that hurts. I'm still having issues, going home and knowing I'm walking in the door to see her and the kids stuff around. Wondering if she's been at the house or not. It gets a bit better with time and the right attitude - PMA.

Yeah, it's the weird thing about our S. H was a WAS in a PA. But, after my DBing and 180s, he was able to see enough to know that he is really messed up. We have a bigger issue than our marriage to tackle first. Is he willing to put in the work to be a faithful H? Short version. H grew up an a horribly abusive, alcoholic home. He is a recovering alcoholic, as am I. I grew up in a very loving home, disfunctional of course, but loving and as stable a home as one could hope for. When he confessed in Novemeber, he confessed to multiple affairs in our first 3 years of marriage, then he went on lexapro and hadn't had the urge to cheat until this past year. I was floored. Everyone is floored. He said he was always madly in love with me, but he was using the woman to fill the hole inside him. He had contemplated suicide many times. So ,I admit to withdrawing from March to when he started his affair in June. I had situation happen that caused me to just shut down and I was quite unhappy. I was kind of going through the motions of life. I felt I had fallen out of love with him...but never told him. I read some books on the subject and did the work to see that love is not a feeling, but an action, and fell back in love. He felt rejected and sought out a PA. Since I was less emotionally available, he began to allow himself to have feelings for this woman. While NONE of the affair is my fault, through IC he can see how his childhood abuse made my actions seem like I didn't love him. He now knows that isn't true. He has said multiple times that most normal men wouldn't have even noticed, much less decided to D, and especially not cheat. He said it was just easier for him to do it, since he had in the past. He is having trouble getting past his resentment for me and this week has said he has no idea why, but wants to. He said his reason for not wanting to give me transparency is that he is scared he will do it again and he doesn't want to hurt me again.

So, we need to separate so that he can really look within and see if he can move past this anger for me and himself. He admits that he is just plain angry and lost, and we will just keep going around and around.

I have no idea what will happen, but I trust that God has this.