Wow, have things changed

[Tallula]

Hey, NOTHING to do with your sitch, but home improvement and construction is one of my passions. This is regarding your cabinets. I recently remodeled a bathroom and used a product to renfinish the vanity.It comes in all sorts of colors, and you can vary the looks of the character with different application techniques. It is involved, but very DIY friendly. If it is something you think might work for you, send me a message, and I will fill you in on it and give you a few pics to show my before and afters. It turns out amazing!

How do I send you a message? I've been wanting to refinish my kitchen cabinets for a few years, but now that I'll have a weekend without my littles running around, I can do it! I also want to refinsh the vanity in my bathroom.

This sounds really tough about the S. The fact that both of you realize this could save your M seems promising. To me it seems like a baby step, especially for him, to fess up that he needs to change since you already have.

Glad you have some GALing planned. It's hard to get your mind off of your SO. Even when I'm GALing I find myself thinking about SO b/c I have this feeling that I'd enjoy it with their company. When you get those thoughts, if you do, just get re-focused on your task ASAP.

The furniture thing...yeah, that hurts. I'm still having issues, going home and knowing I'm walking in the door to see her and the kids stuff around. Wondering if she's been at the house or not. It gets a bit better with time and the right attitude - PMA.

Yeah, it's the weird thing about our S. H was a WAS in a PA. But, after my DBing and 180s, he was able to see enough to know that he is really messed up. We have a bigger issue than our marriage to tackle first. Is he willing to put in the work to be a faithful H? Short version. H grew up an a horribly abusive, alcoholic home. He is a recovering alcoholic, as am I. I grew up in a very loving home, disfunctional of course, but loving and as stable a home as one could hope for. When he confessed in Novemeber, he confessed to multiple affairs in our first 3 years of marriage, then he went on lexapro and hadn't had the urge to cheat until this past year. I was floored. Everyone is floored. He said he was always madly in love with me, but he was using the woman to fill the hole inside him. He had contemplated suicide many times. So ,I admit to withdrawing from March to when he started his affair in June. I had situation happen that caused me to just shut down and I was quite unhappy. I was kind of going through the motions of life. I felt I had fallen out of love with him...but never told him. I read some books on the subject and did the work to see that love is not a feeling, but an action, and fell back in love. He felt rejected and sought out a PA. Since I was less emotionally available, he began to allow himself to have feelings for this woman. While NONE of the affair is my fault, through IC he can see how his childhood abuse made my actions seem like I didn't love him. He now knows that isn't true. He has said multiple times that most normal men wouldn't have even noticed, much less decided to D, and especially not cheat. He said it was just easier for him to do it, since he had in the past. He is having trouble getting past his resentment for me and this week has said he has no idea why, but wants to. He said his reason for not wanting to give me transparency is that he is scared he will do it again and he doesn't want to hurt me again.

So, we need to separate so that he can really look within and see if he can move past this anger for me and himself. He admits that he is just plain angry and lost, and we will just keep going around and around.

I have no idea what will happen, but I trust that God has this.

[Tallula]

Hey, NOTHING to do with your sitch, but home improvement and construction is one of my passions. This is regarding your cabinets. I recently remodeled a bathroom and used a product to renfinish the vanity.It comes in all sorts of colors, and you can vary the looks of the character with different application techniques. It is involved, but very DIY friendly. If it is something you think might work for you, send me a message, and I will fill you in on it and give you a few pics to show my before and afters. It turns out amazing!

Somehow I screwed all that up in my above post...

How do I send you a message? I've been wanting to refinish my kitchen cabinets for a few years, but now that I'll have a weekend without my littles running around, I can do it! I also want to refinsh the vanity in my bathroom.

[labug]

You can't PM here.

[Tallula]

You can't PM here.

That's what I thought

[swoop]

oh...hmmm....well then how do we get in contact privately? I do not want to post pictures here, and obviously it is not the right place to discuss home remodeling projects...haha

[labug]

I've painted kitchen cabinets a couple of times-different kitchens Just go slow.

Suckerpunch, what was the product you used? I know Rustoleum makes one that's supposed to be good.

[25yearsmlc]

fwiw

I just lightly sanded some bathroom cabinets and then put a red mahogany stain on them, that has poly urethane in it too, and it looks great. Then I added some coats of urethane to water proof it more, and I really like it.

Hope it lasts, and I don't find out later that I skipped a step (or 3)

[leopoldstotch]

Well, it went badly. He walked out after 10 minutes. He didnt like hearing what the MC said when he gave her his reason to not want to give me transparecy. The drive home was ok for most of it, but then we ended up fighting when i calmly told him the 3 thngs she said to discuss regarding the S. I kept it calm for awhile & then just lost it for a minute. Threw this whole thing it is like some alien being has taken over my husband. I have no idea why these things set him off. He threw his wallet at me, so i left for the night. Unacceptable!! He has never talked to me the way he has been, and certainly never thrown something at me. When I got home the next morning, we had a very calm and frank discussion. S is going to happen. He really felt horrible and we know we can't live together. he admitted that he is very angry with me & sets me up. He doesn't know why he is getting so mad at me. Bottom line is, really for the first time in awhile I finally saw a glimpse of my old H. I said again, that we are going to be in each others lives forever & I would like to keep our R as civil as possible for our children. He said that I deserve none of this & that he is really screwed up. Lots more stuff, and it's been civil since.

We made a plan for the kids, and that we will truely be S. only discuss the kids. He had been wanting to "date", which was what had set him off at first since I thought we shouldn't. But he completely agrees that we shouldnt. I need space to get calm in my life & really move on with me, he needs space to move past his resentment & really figure out if he wants to be a faithful person.

We both feel good about the S, but are sad. I really do think that we are stuck By living together and trying to force it. It's also fun that our anniversary is this month...and I'm trying to cancel our weekend away. Ah. We also set a minimum S of 1 month. I can see him trying to come back earlier & me letting him, so we figure that a minimum is good. We have found a few month to month places. While I will miss him, the thought of being in this house on weekends without my babies is killing me. I only work 2 days a week, so we have planned that I get them Sunday-Friday evening, he'll take them Friday-Sunday. And he'll one over on Tuesday nights so I can go to a meeting.

Here we go...

Hi T sorry I haven't posted I've been busy with work. No surprise the MC didn't go well. As far as the way he spoke to you after the session and throwing his wallet well from my experience with my W that tells me he feels cornered. He's wrong I know it, you know it, your MC knows it and your H knows it that's why he acted out.

So glad you left for the night. His behavior was and is unacceptable. Sounds like you have a good plan in place.

[Tallula]

fwiw

I just lightly sanded some bathroom cabinets and then put a red mahogany stain on them, that has poly urethane in it too, and it looks great. Then I added some coats of urethane to water proof it more, and I really like it.

Hope it lasts, and I don't find out later that I skipped a step (or 3)

Nice! I want to paint them white in the kitchen, but need to really look up better steps than I did for our doors, after 4 years it really hasn't held up. A stain is what I would probably do my bathroom vanity. I always skip steps

Leo- yeah, he was mad, realized that I'm willing to let him go. It's really good now. He was going to move in yesterday, already put $ down, but he has the flu, so he'll probably move in Monday. He'd rather do it while all the neighbors are at work. I get it, and we are getting along great, not a surprise. What is there to fight about? We both know that this S is the best thing.

But f I get the flu, I may kill him . I have yet to have a pregnancy where I haven't gotten the flu.

[Tallula]

Well, came home with the kids & he started packing up the truck. Deep breath. Walking into the bedroom minus his chest of drawers was hard. He said "I really don't want to move." I just said "yeah."