My focus the past few days has been trying to figure out if I am the WAW or the LBS. The lifelong pattern is for me to be the WAW. I've done this before to other men and to my H. He left this time because I told him to.
It's pretty clear from everything you've posted here and in other threads that you are the WAS.
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So I guess going dark and being distant and GAL and being independent is NOT what I should be doing?
Correct. Those are for the LBS. They are opposite of what a reforming WAS should do.
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I did reach out to him through IM and he was very receptive. He was upset by GAL type statements I made.
Not surprising, because you kicked him out, and now you're telling about how your GAL? The signal you're sending to him is that you are done with him and moving on.
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Here's what I'd like to tell him:
- I made a mistake when I said I didn't want to be with you anymore. - I want to keep our M because I love you and want to continue a life with you. - I've not been a good W to you and I'm very unhappy with myself about that. - I need some time and space to figure out how to be a better wife. - During that time I'd like to have contact with you that is happy and positive. - When we are both ready I'd like you to come back home for good.
Honestly that all sounds a little contrived, mechanical and unemotional. It sounds like you don't want him back, but you want him to hold himself in reserve in case you change your mind later. If that's the way you feel then leave him alone and move on. But if you really do want him back then try again, and this time get more into your feelings. Talk about your past and how it has affected your actions. Say the things to him that you've disclosed here in your thread. REALLY OPEN UP!!! And for crying out loud, where's the apology? That should be the first line! Apologize for all the hell you've put him through!
