O Tori I had all those thoughts you are having and I echo what others have said - you are Amazing BTB and you deserve someone just as Amazing. We all do.
Your current thinking is totally normal. Like you I wanted to save my marriage because that's what I believed in. I didn't get married to get divorced - no one does. During the two years I spent trying to save my marriage, I didn't want anyone else but H. I certainly didn't think I would meet anyone for a long time and that I would end up alone but when I accepted my M was over, I also figured it was better to be happy on my own than continue to be miserable around H.
So, I am going to remind you of Eckhart Tolle's message in the Power of Now. Our fears are all about the future and we do not know what that is. We can not deal with the future until we are there and when we are there we will deal with it. Look how you have dealt with things that have come your way these past 6 months. "You can ALWAYS cope with the present moment, but you cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection, you cannot cope with the future" E.Tolle
And as for another relationship. I wasn't looking, I was just closing the door. In closing the door tho I created space for something else to come into my life. It has been very unexpected and I am cautious of getting hurt (like you think you will be)so I am taking things very slowly. My self esteem had been robbed and like you my H made me feel bad about my self so I am fragile and raw in places. But I am aware of this and all "process" has taught me to look after my self better in future and I know now what I want and will/won't put up with. I know you will too.
