Without regurgitating what I've already written I'm not sure how to explain it. What about when their words are negative and the actions seem to be in line.
What the action part of that statement means is that if they appear to be perfectly happy in their new life then you shouldn't necessarily believe it because you do not know what's going on inside. In my W's case, she always seemed content, even excited about life on her own. She always seemed very happy when I saw her. It wasn't until RetroV weekend that she disclosed that she's been crying frequently ever since S but hiding it, and that she's been in extreme turmoil and confusion over what she's done. And it's been almost 5 months since she moved out. So all that happiness and contentment she's been showing was really nothing more than acting "as if" everything was fine. I know the rule, but she acted so well that I was convinced that she HAD moved on and was done, done, done. Had I known that she was still confused and not moving on, then I wouldn't have dropped the rope to the extent I have.
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and the more I LRT, go dark, I'm just giving her exactly what she wants so she can forget about me.
You don't know what she wants. She probably doesn't know what she wants. You LRT as much for you as for her. You need the detachment and independence.
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I am thinking about starting to box up more of her stuff and put it away in the spare room so that I don't have to look at it everyday and if/when she comes by it has that look of
Perfect. Do it. Remember how she reacted when you cleaned up? That was the biggest reaction you've gotten from her so far. It had an impact. Do what works.
