How is this not a step in the right direction? Maybe I didn't say it clearly. I'm questioning myself on, if she says she wants to come back, do I want her back?
I don't think you're to the point where you're seriously asking that question to yourself yet. Your sitch is still relatively young- she hasn't been out long and you haven't done much to GAL yet. You've still been heavily focused on trying to get her back. It won't be until you've really detached for a while that you start to seriously contemplate that question versus it just being part of the emotional roller coaster we're all on early in the process. To be honest I never have really asked myself that, I figured I would just cross that bridge if it ever showed up. I didn't really expect my W to ever want to R, so now that she's showing interest I'm finally having to wrestle with that question and it is not easy.
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That if I get myself to where I need to be will I be better off with somebody else.
Full detachment is when you finally get to the point where you truly know in your heart that you will be fine with or without your GF. For me it took months of separation to get there (although in my case it was a 25 year relationship I was coming out of). There were times that I thought I was there only to cycle back through other emotions all over again. But once you get there for good you don't cycle anymore. And nothing your GF/ spouse does or says has any impact on you. When they do things it has no more impact on you than if it was a neighbor doing it. She's dating someone, so what. She's sleeping with someone, more power to her. She says you're a craptacular poopie head, you shrug it off. She says she wants to get back together, you tell her you have to really think that over. That's where you'll get if you fully detach.
