Spartan sounds good. Listening is a must skill set to have and I am working in this area for personal growth. One thing that works for me is to stop all distractions. I will literally tell my W hold on I want to listen give me 1 second or lets pause the TV so I can listen without distractions.
Also there is a fine line. I use to defend myself but found that behavior was just fueling the fire. If there was something she said that I absolutely just did not agree with I would let her know. At the end of the day your W is telling you her feelings which are NEVER wrong because it is how she feels. So listening without speaking even if you don't agree is a good idea. It lets her speak. It is all about not reacting.
My W would tell me you don't help out around the house right after I came downstairs from folding laundry, making beds, making breakfast, taking trash out, and feeding dogs. I'm like seriously. I would defend myself and she would go to the next character flaw. You don't listen etc.. It's like they have a list they work off to justify themselves leaving.
Keep doing what you are doing. Keep working on yourself and taking the focus off her. Remember and I know it is hard. No expectations. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Detach. Detaching does not mean being an azzhole. I had a ton of trouble understanding this. Continue to GAL. Go out with friends and even GAL with kids. Do something with the kids that she would NEVER do. For me it was hiking and skiing.
