Thank you for your post AJ! IDK How insane would one have to be to try to eat an elephant?
And no, I am not done. I want to be done and that is different than actually being done. I still love him and do want us to move forward with each other, as delusional as that sounds even to me.
xSO called last night. I realized that when he called that it has been about two months, maybe more, in which I have allowed him to initiate all contact with only one exception.
He told me that he had his first counselling session yesterday and has another scheduled for next week. I think he really wanted to talk about it so I jsut listened for the most part. He said that most of the session was a getting to know his history session.
One of the first things that the counsellor picked up on was the fact that he came (as I did) from a family dealling with an alcoholic in it from a long line of alcoholics. The consellor gave him the book Co-Dependent No More. He said he started reading it and could see us both in there. (BTW I have also read the book and while I believe I exhibit codependent traits, I do not know that I would fit the description of codependent).
He acknowledged being in a "really bad place" in the fall and that "what happened with us was sh!tty". He went on before I could ask any more questions about that last bit.
We talked for a little over an hour, mostly about him but that was fine with me. Not once during the conversation was the GF mentioned nor did he even imply she was around. But then he hid her from me for a long time, so I am guessing she must be around somewhere. I confess I would just love to ask about her - but I bite my tongue.
Otherwise, we talked about a few other things, mostly every day stuff - my family, his family.
He said he has been having trouble sleeping and that he could now empathize with me when I said the same because the hampster would be on its wheel. He admitted to still being a bit depressed. I tried hard to simply listen and not to offer any advice at all.
The truth is, other than what happened/is happening between us, his MLC has so far wrought positive changes - finances are improving, responsibility is improving and some health issues are being taken care of including more exercise and weight loss. In light of all that, maybe I was something negative in his life that he had to change as well. I am happy for him and wish him well in his journey and hope the positives stick for him. Nevertheless, I am (or our relationship was) the collateral damage here, so I can not feel totally happy about what occurred between us especially if the relationship remains on the chopping block. I will not be in a three-way relationship forever.
In many ways, I have some of my own demons to work on and even now, still feeling battered and bruised, I realize this experience will make me stronger and maybe a little less passive in my own life.
This process is also teaching me patience and how to bite my tongue. No OR talks, no asking about GF. SOOOO hard!
At the end of the conversation, he threw many compliments my way, excellent handling of the parent situation and was very complimentary regarding the fact that I have also kept up my social life. It got to a point that I asked if the counsellor put him on some sort of 12 step process. He laughed.
In closing, I said it was nice to talk to him and he said the same and said for me to call anytime I wanted. so, our interactions remain good but whether or not that translates into progress towards me, I really don't know.
Originally Posted By: AJ
Until then, keep on keeping on. Keep quiet and let things play out. If he wants back, you'll know that too. It won't be an unobvious thing, so you don't have to worry about missing anything.
Thanks for that AJ, that is very reassuring! I have never been good at the whole "subtle sign, etc game. It was often a running joke between my friends and I and between he and I as well.
