Thanks, stilllookingup. Now that I read your reply, I think by me telling her I can't allow her to take our daughters to her country other than on vacation or during the entire summer is what is really eating her up inside. I think a lot was hinging on her being able to be down there for a whole year.
I was as gentle as possible when I told her I didn't think it was in the best interest of the kids, but she was nearly out of her mind during that conversation. I didn't want to think about it at the time, but I worried that my decision would kill any chance at reconciling with her. Maybe that's what I'm facing.
Her parents live in the states--they brought her here when she was 18. She didn't want to come, and once they got here, she was kind of forced to go to work right away to help support the family (she was the only one who spoke English). I always made it clear how much I admired her for doing all that she did for her family, and now thinking back, maybe I was an escape from all the responsibilities her parents put on her. When I too started putting responsibilities on her because of my depression and self-esteem issues, maybe it all came crashing down.
Wow, I never really looked at our situation from this point of view--I always assumed she knew how much compassion I had. I never validated her feelings much, mostly because she kept them from me. Ouch, this is not nice to feel. I mean, I take a lot of blame for ending up where we are, but this is some entirely new blame to add to it all.
Where do I go from here? I'm not even necessarily thinking about fixing the marriage, but I want to do what is finally right for HER...
