My H also made positive changes in the M during the past year but I always interpreted them in a negative light. The reason is that I wasn't ready to give up my victim status (he had a porn addiction and did some other rotten things and I wanted to maintain that leverage over him).

The name of the game is CONTROL. It has nothing to do with love.

In my case ILYBNILWY really meant "I'm afraid that YOU don't really love me in a romantic way because you don't pursue me and lust after me the way you used to so I'm not going to love you either."

Me: 44
H: 48
M: 4 yrs
My EA: 2010 & 2012
Me arrested for DV: 10/28/11
H left 1st time: 10/28/11
Reconciled after I pursued: 12/21/11
H left 2nd time: 12/23/12
Kids from OR: S16, S10, S8