I feel there is a lot of truth to what you are saying. It is hard for me to open up too much in counseling because then it would be letting on how upset I really am...that's okay by me...but is it 100% honest?
I think H began this thinking it was ALL my fault...then admitted most of everything was probably his fault but it didn't matter...he didn't WANT to be married to me, didn't WANT anything from me, could NOT forgive me. yet he wants counseling, he wants to improve, he wants to be honest and build trust with me. Probably more as a coparent than a husband, but that is a start. He is a very very conflicted person. He is suffering a lot from facing his problems.
I think he may be going to counseling to be able to say "See, I tried--and I don't feel any different"...yet this is not hardcore counseling. I feel like we need something tougher, more to the point. We could ramble on with this therapy for years. Most of our sessions turn into sessions on H's issues and problems...and I sit there and listen. Therapist said H has so many issues it's like triage. Must take care of him first. I am half way up the mountain and H has to "catch up" with me. It may take some time...
I LOVE the idea of the email catching s therapist up to speed. If that becomes necessary I will definitely do it.
Please tell me about Retrovaille. Would you recommend it? I read up a little on it but the Catholic thing would scare away H I think.
