Lonely, Sad and No Communication

[Lampstand]

LJC,

I'm very sorry for your painful sitch. My H left 2 days before Christmas so I can relate to the loneliness you feel. Your instincts about a OM may be correct but it's also interesting to note that she made statements that a reconciliation would only lead back to square one. She seems to lack hope right now and perhaps having any contact with you right now causes her deep pain. Also, if there is a OM she might feel guilt around you. Time will tell.

I just joined the board so I haven't really gotten much feedback yet either. I am the WAW (I think) in my sitch but I've changed my mind so there is hope for the LBS.

You wouldn't believe how this has changed my life (as you know)and have been GAL (Gym, Decorating House, Setting Focus points, Signing up for an online computer course, doing 'something' with the kids so they go back and talk about it), indentifying 180's and reversing them, being positive out in public, always looking my best when I step out the front door, no pursuing, phone calls or texts to W (unless its about kids). So why can't she identify that I have changed? because I fear the reason she is being so dark is that there is OM altho this hasn't been comfirmed Its just a hunch.

You must continue to do all the GAL things you have already implemented. Your light and PMA will be a counterbalance to her darkness and she will eventually notice it and begin to wonder why. Over time this will become attractive to her (especially because if she is having an A the OM will begin to pressure her and you will look even better in her eyes).

Splitting always sounds good to the WAS in the beginning (I know I felt that way the first 2-3 weeks) but after a while it begins to stink. The WAS begins to see how dependent they were on their SO and regret sets in. It might take longer for this epiphany than you expected so patience is required.

Keep up with the program. ILYBNILWY (something I've been saying to my H for years) is a reflection of how much the person is dissatisfied with their life, with their self. It's a cop out and the WAS has poor communication skills and lacks the ability to say "I don't like me. I want to change myself." Instead they blame the spouse.

Keep posting. Maybe you can read my sitch and provide feedback for me also.