I honestly never would have given "pro marriage" or "pro-self" counselors a second thought if it weren't for this situation. I wonder how many people actually change counselors for another that is a better fit for their thoughts and feelings.
I went to 5 MC's myself before inviting W to come along, and then switched again after one session with that MC because I didn't feel she "got" where W was coming from (which would have just discouraged W from coming again).
The MC I ended up with said that 90% of the time MC is too late to help. He said the majority of the time, one spouse is coming to work, and the other is coming to help the other person find peace, convince the other person it's over, establish that there is something wrong with the other person, or establish that it's all the other person's fault. In those scenarios he said it almost worthless.
The other dynamic is described in "Love Must Be Tough" where the WAS typically holds their cards close the vest -- the LBS doesn't know what they are thinking or feeling or why, while the LBS typically pours all their thoughts and feelings out leaving the WAS with nothing to wonder about. MC can exacerbate this as it can cut the legs out from under "act as if".
I'm not a big MC fan, but when I went, I went alone before each session and strategized with the MC on where I wanted to go, what to focus on, and what to stay away from. I wanted no surprises -- if the MC wanted to go somewhere I wanted him to discuss it with me first.
That said, he *still* surprised me a couple times and said things that W latched onto as reasons for her not to work on the marriage and not to consider making any changes.
There is no scorecard to evaluate how good an MC is -- the majority of the time they don't know what happens to the couples they worked with, and they don't follow up to monitor outcomes. There is no statistical evidence to suggest that it helps at all, unlike Retrovaille which does monitor outcomes.
All that said, in *your* situation if you think it will help and/or make you feel better, then you should do it until you have a good reason not to. The minute you feel your counselor is not going where you want you should change.
I got mine to agree to read all the background in an e-mail for free and clarify questions before our first session so I didn't have to spend money to recount everything from the beginning.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015