Trying to Comprehend Non-Complience Post-D

[25yearsmlc]

I don't think it's designed to make you contact him so much as simply to disrespect you and ignore the court's orders. It's as if the law does not apply to him.

HE is special and HE has his wants and HE does not have to do what he does not want to do...but he does.


I think in the long run, you'll reduce conflict & any need for contact, by enforcing the court orders now, asap. I don't see any choice in the matter. Do you?

If it were me, and my h missed a payment, I'd RUN to the lawyer's office and get a contempt order. It'll mean you won't have to keep wondering every month if the money is coming,

it'll mean FEWER questions and fewer conflicts and less need for negative contact, by enforcing it now. Not with ANY texts or messages to him "asking" for what is owed you...

but completely through the court system. As if an external "legal" entity is doing it, which would be true. Your L will be motivated to enforce it b/c it's the only way they'll get paid anyhow.

You are not really doing him or you a favor by letting it slide.

You're letting him do what he wants, and it's disrespectful of you. I actually think you might be more respected if you were to get the court to hold his feet to the fire. And why wouldn't you do that anyhow?

What is "easier" about calling him and hoping he does not pick up, or texting him and then waiting to see what HIS reaction is?

The idea that he'll love you more or hate you less, b/c you let him ignore a court order is just more conflict avoidance on your end, imo. That has not served you well.

It is possible to Stand up for yourself without getting emotional or angry at him. Just call the lawyer. Sure, it'll cost something ---but in the long run you'll save/make money by enforcing the law.

If you keep letting him pay IF and when and how much HE wants...you'll suffer more financially AND emotionally. You already have.

And you'll get angry and bitter and you'll both spend more in court b/c he'll fight a huge built up amount. Don't let it build up. Enforce the court order with your lawyer while the amount isn't overwhelming.


Ask yourself how much money You can afford to give him and his present or future OWs...b/c that's what you are doing by letting him pay if/when/how much he feels like. He'll spend it on himself or OWs...not you.

He is betting your conflict avoidance and fears will prevent you from standing up for yourself. I say, you call his bet.

And I'm glad you made a new friend. I love the term "semi retired" much more than "disabled". Good idea.