Yes, forgiveness is for ourselves and I understand that it could be learned skill. And I want to learn it too. The question is how???
My opinion... try it on others.
That dude that cuts your off in the highway.. forgive him vs. getting angry.
The co-worker that is a complete bi@tch to you for NO reason - forgive him.
IMO - Forgiveness is kinda the next logical step after DBing.
I mean - We have already spent the time validating their feelings. Eventually we stop faking it and truly understand that its their opinion and perspective.
It's REALLY hard to validate AND be angry at the same time.
Without the anger, it's hard to NOT forgive.
The 2nd part is that I try to focus on all of the good things that have come from the D.
My work, my new friendships, my healthy body, making amends with my dad... were made possible from my D.
And although it is unfortunate... there is so much good now.. it's hard not to appreciate it.
It won't always be a "fake it till you make it" situation. But until that time comes - you gotta fight against yourself. Against being a victim.. or the pity party.
And just like anything else. Practice makes perfect and it all gets easy in time.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
