well i have not been around for the past few days. I got that bug that is going around.... So not sure if it was good or bad having this flu that i still have. but I have had NC with W since jan 20th I sent one stupid text that day and have not sent anything since and yes i would like to text her but have just been sick. the text sent was stupid saying i still love her and hope one day to see her loving face again. Yes, i know i should not have sent it but i did.
I have been talking with a good friend that has been going threw the same thing for much longer and well this will be a long reply so i hope someone reads it and tells me what they think. This is the text I wanted to send to my W but did not. What i did was ask a friend what she thought about it. So first my text then my friends reply ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hi hope you are doing well. I know it has been a long time but I feel that if we could put the past behind us and just try to start over before we totally give up on us. We both had a part to play but we also had something that a lot of others did not. I know with a little work we could have that and more again. Im not begging here just putting it out there. I can only talk for myself that I am sure with Gods help we can do this. We can start out slow. I hope the God will fill your heart with his love and forgiveness as he has done to me. We had some growing pains but what marriage does not. Lets talk over coffee sometime ok. Im just sharing here as i always have that I love you for being the person you are!!! You are a very special person a one of a kind. We had been blessed when God put us together..
this is what she sent me +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
First, what you feel in your heart is most important. You will always have regret if you don't do what you have heavy on your heart, but you have to be prepared for what happens after you send it, and know you are possibly setting yourself up for another let down. If you feel like you have gotten yourself to the place where you can not be effected physically, mentally or emotionally and expect what you normally get, which is either, we will talk soon, or nothing at all.
I don't know, I am concerned at this point because it seems as if you are still giving her the benefit of a doubt, which normally I believe in doing, but at some point enough has to be enough, no?
I really don't know what to say anymore because part of me wants to believe that as long as you don't give up it is possible, and part of me is saying your crazy for continuing to allow her have this kind of reign in your life. To what expense and extent is it worth it? I don't know!
It saddens me that you are still trying to send her messages showing concern for her but she is absent in herself, so you can not force something to work, happen, transpire when she is clearly not showing ANY signs of regard for you or your marriage.
I strongly think you should stop taking blows from her, ones that are indirect and directly towards you. I know "kill them with kindness" isn't what you are aiming for, rather being who you are, but after using the money and still getting NOTHING from her is where you should draw your own line. Not only has she now abandoned you, ignored you, blamed you, assumed things about you she is now using you!?!?
I know you are holding onto faith and hope, but maybe that isn't going to come from continuing to try to make it work, rather letting it ALL go, and be faithful and hopeful that if it is Gods will He will make it happen not you! It wasn't until I completely moved on from husband, and I mean, no contact, no texts, no visits, no calls, no signs of reconciliation and we ended up in divorce court and that is where God started to change my husband and did what He needed to do to make things happen. I am not saying divorce her, what I am saying is STOP trying to do what only God can do.
If I were you I would do nothing. But without judgement from me, you have to do what you feel you should do. Things can go so many different ways, but I feel after all that has been done and said already I would prepare for the same outcome from her, which will be less than what you, at least, deserve.
In any other circumstance I think your words to her are so accurate and so heart felt, and of course, your truth but does it matter to her?? You can sit there and rethink your words a thousand times, and try to find what would be the best way and most assuring way to get her to respond, but everything she has not done up until this point makes me just keep saying to you....let go and let God over and over and over.
I hope this helps alittle, it is so complicated and complex to get everything out and try to get you to understand why it is what I am saying.
I pray you feel better soon. I heard this flu/infection thing is horrible and I am grateful to be isolated from it so far. If I catch it I will end up in the hospital like every winter, but I am praying it stays far away from me. Feel better....
