Hang in there and watch out for your own interests. I've decided to let the L's do their jobs and I'll do what is asked of me. I've decided to not even discuss this stuff directly with W anymore. It has never went good and quite honestly she doesn't seem to know anything (or is a better actress than I thought she was). If I want any hope of ever getting along with her in future I can't talk about it with her. Too many emotions and I have to fight for me and kids. Not fun doing this stuff one minute while trying to keep hope alive.
Good luck and stay strong. You'll get through this.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Not fun doing this stuff one minute while trying to keep hope alive.
Boy, that's an understatement!
Thanks Bug, BD and Spartan. I love you all.
I really really do not want to go through with this. I really want my W and family back and this to stop. But as you all say, CYA mode must be on. She cried and begged so much to keep our family after her A and I was out. Why is it too that when last year I wanted to S after I found out that family and friends freaked on me that it was wrong and to fix our M no matter what (None knew of the A) but those same people do not call her to task?
We are teaching our kids all the wrong things. I wish there were something I could do or say. But if there was, we would not all be on this board, right?
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
I always thought I was and believe I still am. What am I doing or not doing that is not honourable? Everyone is telling me I am and to stick with my core values.
I didn't mean to imply you aren't an honorable man, it was just an answer to your question.
Perhaps continue to be an honorable man would have been better.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Gotcha. Though honour hasn't don't much on the R front, I gotta be me and hold my head high. Like you DB friends, my friends and family say I have to protect me and my kids as she may exploit that. What can I do to sway things....and I mean quickly? I do find it so odd that this ugly, long tough route that will last a lifetime is still feeling like her best option. I cannot be too critical as I did check out after the A and pushed for D right away. Then I bought into what sometimes feels like a scam, sometimes confusion/MLC, sometimes a bit of both and sometimes, sometimes like she just can't handle things emotionally to fix it and sometimes like I friggin blew it. A mutual friend told me she just wants to shake her and wake her up to real life, but knows she will just make her angry and risk friendship by seemingly taking sides.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Well that was surreal. My W had not responded to a banking matter that she has left for a month....we need to go and sign a mortgage renewal by tomorrow or it defaults. Anyway, she is a bank manager and should know this but argued with me for weeks about it. The L's got involved last week and so did the bank and W was proved wrong. She was so stubborn to listen to reason. Thanks for costing hundreds of dollars W. She was supposed to book a time tomorrow with me to do it but had not replied to the request yesterday as per the bank....it needs to be done by tomorrow or we default. She gets home so I ask her if she was going to get back to me with a meeting time. She started berating me in front of my d14 and d10 heard from the other room. She would not believe me on the bank process and protocol to do this again and continued in on me that I just want my way. Wtf????? How is it my way? I am open to times, we have to do it or we default on mortgage....she is a bank manager! She argued with me for 10 minutes. Then I had to speak my mind and tell her not to speak that way to me again in front of kids. I had a friggin backbone. She left for a walk and she came back and I asked her if she was ready to speak rationally so we could deal with this financial matter. She said "No!" then she said "which branch?". She said she would meet me tomorrow at 7 at the bank. I asked her why she argued with me for 10 minutes about it. Here is the surreal part....she said she did not argue with me! Said it did not happen that she agreed it was how it was supposed to be done. All I could do was shake my head and again remind her not to yell in front of the kids. Then I should not have but kind of glad I did, I told her she needs help and needs to see someone for her own good and that she was not right. It's funny, we were discussing on another thread if you can love someone and hate them at the same time.....the answer from most is yes, but I also think you can pity them too at the same time.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
I have had sessions with Laurie, but not since November. She guided me to the 180. There is so much anger and resentment within my W. I don't think she can bring herself to look at herself. She has tried to bully me the past few days on a couple things but I am not yielding. Pleasant, but a no way. Just holding my ground. She actually sent me an email today not to use the BMW as it was hers. I took it to the corner store and back yesterday. First time in months. Ummmm....I paid for half, pay insurance, it is half in my name and she is $8500 behind in payments for joint expenses? Should I tell her not to use the phone, the electricity, the water, the house for that matter? Her sense of entitlement is unreal. Nope...I shall hold my ground in a con-confrontational but assertive manner. She has gotten so petty, I will not stoop so low, but will have my boundaries. I replied to her email in kind but frank.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Just when I was feeling strong and confident yesterday and most of today, I have fallen into a lull of doubt and sadness. This is not how things were supposed to turn out. She had long term plans for us mere months ago. Was that all a lie? I guess so.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Just when I was feeling strong and confident yesterday and most of today, I have fallen into a lull of doubt and sadness. This is not how things were supposed to turn out. She had long term plans for us mere months ago. Was that all a lie? I guess so.
I was feeling pretty good as well, then not so good, as it is very apparent that it is not me H wants lol. I think I am built for all the things he is trying to let go of. Full MLC for him, I am thinking. I am sorry W has a case of the crazies, but sometimes we can't see our own behaviours as others see them. Remember, everything is clouded by emotion and past history and you often see/hear what you expect...not saying that was you, but something to consider
Hugs to you. Take up running....apparently, we hit our forties, brak up and take up half marathons. Met three peole in same boat in different circumstances lmao!!
