A Life Filled With Grace

[keep_going]

Ha! This is where the action is... Thanks, bug and Val for sending me here and for sharing. I once again find myself comforted by the knowledge that I am not alone.
Yes anger and forgiveness. I don't think I will ever get to forgiveness until I let go of the anger. Or perhaps both need to happen simultaneously?

Rick - I am so sorry you had to go through that experience. Yes, our parents meant well, but not always got it right. For them as for us, they did the best they could with the tools they had, right? Funny - I posted earlier on my new thread exactly this same phrase "I never saw forgiveness growing up. (((rick1963)))

I usually, but not always, found that my anger prevented my forgiveness of others. It justified my withholding of forgiveness. But that's letting anger choose for me. And I know I dont want that.

The other block to forgiveness was of course fear. However irrational, it FELT as if I feared that by forgiving, I'd be "allowing" someone to hurt me, again. But that makes no sense.

Does it really follow that the forgiven person, who may not even need to KNOW they're forgiven, will repeat their behavior based on OUR reaction? NO it does not.

Today, I know better. Today, I know their behavior has nothing to do with whether I'm holding onto anger...or if it does, my anger only increases the chance they'd feel justified in hurting me, NOT my forgiving them.

25 - Thanks for putting into words what I feel about the fear behind my anger. Yes, I do feel like if I forgive my H, I will allow him to continue hurting me. Yes, his actions will not change regardless of my forgiveness...

THANK YOU.
It seems so simple and clear like that. (I just wished it was as easy to let go of the fear - lol...)

I never saw forgiveness growing up. Didn't know what it looked like. It's a learned skill. And it IS freeing and it IS peaceful.

Yes, forgiveness is for ourselves and I understand that it could be learned skill. And I want to learn it too. The question is how???