I was referring to what Accuray said to me about "drawing him in"
Ah, OK that makes more sense. That's not pursuit so much as "keeping the way home paved smooth and clear".
[quote]That I don't bring up him leaving...I guess I should prepare for the possibility of him leaving.
Right, I was just suggesting that mentally you prepare for that so that if and when it happens it won't be quite such a blow to you. I was not at all suggesting that you say or do anything to your H to indicate that you want him to leave. I hope I'm clear on that. Have you read Dobson's Love Must Be Tough? He compares the WAS to a bird that feels stuck in a cage. He says the LBS should not force the WAS to stay in the cage, but should instead throw the door open and tell the WAS they are free to leave. This dovetails with DR which says that we should validate the WAS's emotions, so if they say they want to leave we do not agree or disagree, but say something like "I do not want you to leave, I would prefer that you stay and work on the M with me. But I want you to be happy, and if you think that leaving will make you happy then I support your decision." This is almost word-for-word what I told my W. She did leave, and it did not bring her the happiness she expected (she told me this again just last night). Leaving rarely does. But, the point is that if we try to stop them it is just putting pressure on them and making them feel more caged in.
Quote:
If I told you things were so harmonious..we laugh, talk, he chooses to spend time with me, the boys. He isn't needing "space". We have a big enough house that we could easily NEVER see each other. Yet out of habit? I don't know why--we sit companionably every night chatting, watching tv...whatever. He has plenty of opportunities to go out, or just ignore me after the boys are in bed. He doesn't have to kiss me goodbye in the morning or goodnight or hello. Mind you nothing passionate, but he chooses to do this.
I can top that, my W and I had all of that AND we continued to ML quite passionately. But she STILL left. I know it's hard to believe based on what you're seeing, but like I said before, don't underestimate just how "done" your H is (or thinks he is).
Quote:
Why? Keep me hopeful? Keep me from getting in his face? Maybe. I dont' read too much into it, but I am not throwing myself at him.
My W is just a nice person, maybe your H is the same. So even though she was done, she still loved me and wanted to treat me nice. By the way I'm not mind-reading, this is what she told me well after she moved out when I asked her about it.
