How to make it work again?

[scaredsilly]

hi ga, welcome over here. i hope your sitch moves over here but i think it may take some work on your H's part. my H had to be away from me for a year and only after i let him know i was finished with limbo and moving on, did he want to R.

yes, we are talking about them, at least, i am. i had to let him know this morning how some of his impatience effects me. i see impatience as critisim. i find it hard to deal with because i'm not being impatient. it's one of the things i chose to work on while DB'ing. i practiced with strangers (cashiers, clerks) because i'm always in a hurry and wanted everyone else to be, too.

i began to appreciate what others were doing and tried to remember that they had things in their own lives they were dealing with. i stopped thinking everyone should measure up to what i wanted.

H is a perfectionist (when it comes to others) and he forgets that he's not in charge of everyone! sometimes, he fails to appreciate what is done for him. i experienced this throughout our M and decided i need gratitude in my life from the people i love, not impatience.

so, i told him that it was painful to experience that when i was trying so hard to meet his expectations. in fact, i really exceeded his expectations on this particular event but he was running late and did not live up to the time we were to have to finish our exchange of information. he became impatient and a little surly.

he also still will not say, "i love you". everytime i talk to him on the phone he just says "bye" at the end of a call. i don't say it, either, because of the pressure it would put on him to reply in kind.

i told him this morning that it makes me feel not valued when he's impatient and that it hurts that he won't say "i love you" because it feels like it would be him admitting a mistake, which he hates to do. afterall, if he says he loves me, then all the things he said were wrong with me on BD and after, and all the things his kids did that he blamed me for, would be what...wrong?

maybe i AM loveable?

i said i need love and appreciation in my life and i think everyone does.

he did text back that i was "very right, love you". so, it's a crawl forward...