Sunny Man I am so sorry. I can only imagine the pain you are feeling. It is like being punched in the gut. You have received some very good advice for many people.
I want you to stop for a second and just breath. I know how hard it is...but please…just stop for one second as you continue to read this.
……breath….
……breath…..
….breath….
Okay, now I want you to take a step back and as hard as it is, think of SUNNY...and SUNNY Jr. Just the two of you. Think happy thought….okay breath again…. Sunny, it will be okay! It really will be bro…It may not feel like it right now but it will. You my man, will GET THROUGH this.
Okay, I hope now you have a ton of happy thoughts going around in your head….cause I want you to be in the right frame of mind for this next topic.
Divorce
First off, I want you to consider a few things right now.
She is not your friend. The woman that you married no longer exists – she MAY be in there but who knows.
She does not have YOUR best interest in mind. She may or may not have your son best interest in mind.
She is not going to think of herself or her actions as selfish.
Trying to talk reasonably to her is NOT going to help.
VERY IMPORTANT – Stop talking to her. You can listen…but if asked for your response…a simple “I need to think about it”. My point DO NOT COMMIT to anything. When I say stop talking to her...I mean totally. This is not the time to be nice and friendly. A business like attitude is a MUST.
Quote:
remember, with D, anything you say or do can/will be used against you...calm, cool, collected business man from here on out...don't play into her games and manipulations...you are better than that, and she WILL try everything in her arsenal most likely....I hope I am wrong though
Read this ^^^^ over and over again.
Do you know what “dying on a sword”, “Martyr”, “subtle manipulation” means?
I say this because as much as you may feel that if you cave and give her everything that she just may wake up…it ain’t happening – at least not now. You really need to think about YOUR life after this. You need to think about YOUR son and YOU – NOT her.
I am not saying that you need to be an as*hole. Nope. As a matter of fact, if you think about it…by not saying a word…and I mean not one word… you can’t be a hole. I would not leave the house. Under no circumstances. That home is the home of you and your son. If you want to sell it after she leaves, fine, but not now.
Sunny, what is it that you want or better said what is it that you are willing to live with right now? Do you want 50/50 custody of your son?
If so, then how will you achieve this? How will you deal with after school stuff, day care, doctor visits….you need to have these answers READY for the mediator. The most important person here is not YOU and not HER…it is YOUR SON. FTR, I have my daughter about 55-60% of the time (she is 11), I have my middle son about 65% of the time (he is 17) and I have my oldest 100% of the time (he is 19). I say this because I am for the most part the primary care giver for the kids. It can be done. It may not feel like that right now …but it can be done. You just need to plan for it.
What days do you want your son. Personally, I would suggest that you pick two days during the week that are consistent and then every other full weekend (Friday – Mon morning). Whatever you do it needs to work for YOU and HIM. Remember these words….
“What is in the best interest of little Sunny”?
Every action you take, every decision you make…should be with “what is in the best interest of little sunny” in mind. The second decision factor should be “what is in the best interest of ME”. This should drive your choices.
Right now as hard as it will feel….”FU*K her”. That’s right….”F*ck her”. She should not matter. Her needs/wants…they should not matter. What matters is what is best for YOU and YOUR SON. You really need a plan my friend. The parent plan should be the first thing. If you need to put your son in day care, well then she should pay for half of the cost, If you want to keep your son in the home that he is in, well then she should have to pay for it (or better said, your son should not have to change his life because of HER choices). So sunny here are few questions for you… 1) What is your parenting plan? 2) What times are drop off and pick up? 3) What are your plans for the holidays? Who has your son on x-mas, x-mas eve, etc. 4) What are your plans for early dismissal from school? 5) What are you plans for after school care? 6) Birthdays? 7) Who will carry medical insurance for your son? 8) College – who will pay for it? 9) Housing, where will your son live. FTR, PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP PRIMARY RESIDENCE (a legal term) UNLESS it is in the best interest of YOUR SON. 10) What about household furniture? 11) What about clothing for your son I know this may seem like a lot buddy….but if you have a sit down on Tuesday, then you need to know what you are going to want. Finally – I would NOT agree to anything unless it is truly what you want. For example, she says…I don’t want my son, you can have him. Well then your next question/comment should be…okay draft it, sign it and file it. Are you on the alt? Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
