W will do what she wants. Time for ME and D3 !!

[SM34]

NEED HELP PROCESSING MY FIRST DB COACHING SESSION!! ALL HANDS ON DECK PLS!

Ok So my first coaching session ever was yesterday with Laurie. It went great, and Laurie is awesome, so glad I did that.

The hour was so short, the quickest hour since BD =)

So here is want I have been assigned to do, and I need help processing HOW and WHY to do these things. Laurie said to call her in a week or two for second session, but only when I had tried these things and have answers.

1) Laurie is concerned about how close the Zoloft prescription was to the date of BD. It was 4 weeks on 50mg, followed by less than 1 week on 100mg and then BD. When W first went on Zoloft, she told me "I hope we can fix the issues with D3 daycare and our finances so I can not feel so anxious. If we want a brother or sister for D3 we need to do it soon, and I can't be taking Zoloft if I'm going to be pregnant". So to me that didn't sound like someone planning an exist and Laurie agreed.

MIL is bipolar and it runs in her family. W has never been screened for this, and so there is a concern there from my MIL and Laurie since wife not mentioning wanting to leave me to her therapist seems odd. So the first "Goal" is to try to have MIL convince W to go get screened or at least get evaluated by a DIFFERENT therapist than the one that prescribed the Zoloft but doesn't see any change in W behavior.

2) This is the IMPORTANT goal that I need help with. W's LL is physical touch. Laurie says that since your wife believes your M was sex starved and that is the reason she is in an active A, I need to experiment with offering some physical touch and see how she responds.

Laurie says you can expect some pulling back from W, but make note of what works and what doesn't for our next phone session.

I told her W gets migraines from neck tension, so I had given her a neck rub one day when she had a headache and she enjoyed that a lot. So she said GOOD, try to do that when you get a chance, but only when she requests or shows a need for it. Do not do it in a pursuing fashion

Also, she said I should try to offer light touch, like perhaps pating her on the back sometimes, or touching her arm he or there. Also, to see if I can sit next to her on the couch for example, without W moving away.

So, any tips on this? Anyone have something to add or expand?

How come this is the reverse of what I have been doing? I have been withholding all affection and also mainting physical distance but Laurie wants to see if W will let me come closer physicallly, and perhaps allow some physical touch.

Is this just to establish if there are feelings for me? I am confused.

Laurie said there definitely might be some distancing from W after you try some of this but don't worry about it too much because your W and you have very positive interactions so far. She obviously doesn't HATE me.

Laurie also thought there was cake eating obviously. And that W may be undecided. So I guess this is the way to gauge her feeling?

Please leave me with your comments and suggestions on touch that is not pursuit etc..

Thanks everyone!