i may be also (one or 2 tiny tiny glimmer) IF SOMETHING IS CHANGING or has changbed- if something we don't like is shoved on us B IG TIME_ - i'm telling myself anything tht is "forward" in any way, shape or form - is just that- something movng forward.
if (and we both agree and think) our past is over and never to be reclaimed as it was - then, what choice do we have but6 move forward to whatevr it brings??? if these not-h's are going to bring something new, or something we hate- it will impel us to do something, be something, whatever it makes us react to and how we react- it will, somehow , imho - be "bettr" in some way than the confusion we feel as we languish in this no-man's land we're in every single day (and the pain it causes us).
ta da- i'm not tough by any means- but i'm a bit tougher than i was- and maybe a bit more philosophical (had enough sleep last nite) and on the way out the door tomorrow a.m. to fla, and wondering what new sitch it will bing- will they want to do it in my face while i watch? who the hell knows- could it be worse, Or what we know be worse? hard to imagine after the very first SHOCK of finding out this stuff our out best loved guys- i'd think we're almost unshockable. (well, if i find out he eats puppies maybe)
anyway- you get my drift. don't be afraid. be strong and continue. he's not able to let go, tht is someting i don't get about these guys - maybe they['re steeling themselves as we're doing. don't know- can we think it will be interesting to FINALLY find out where the chips fall??? somedays i think do it already- others i don't - i just don't know.
but wierdly - i'm not afraid too much. (daughter of friend (only 30) died in car crash yesterday. it's toooo young and tragic and for what? i'm aasking you? nothing. anyway- we're alive & sane and "on our way" somewhere- we can do it.
have faith - in what? God, you, ? yourkarma? somehow i think it will be okay with us- becaue of WHO WE ARE - not h's?!!!
