...most of the success stories I read, are when the LBS has really let go. Getting there is the hard part, and I feel like the seeds of doubt need to be firmly planted first. How do you know when it is really time to start thinking about moving on?
I've asked a very similar question and I'll pass on the response that I received. I had the exact same mindset that I needed to let go to have a chance at success but the vets reminded me I'm letting go for me, not for M. Whatever happens will happen, we let go so that we can move forward and grow. The response I received about when to move on was I'll be ready to move on when I stop asking the question about moving on. They all say I'll just know when it happens. I'm not there yet, as you know from my own posts. I'm no longer trying to force myself to detach which has taken a lot of stress from me. With this new mindset it's just kind of happening with time (my occasional backslides also help with detaching for whatever reason).
We're in same spot with going dark and I think it's impossible since we see our W's almost every day and kids are involved. I think going dim and being a little mysterious is all we can realistically hope for.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are