not sure where to go from here

[tiredndrained]

He is not an alcoholic. He never drinks. I would doubt he is out drinking. He swears he is at a friends but who the heck knows. He never says and he has cheated so I don't believe a word out of his mouth these days.

He was being nice today. Called me several times at work although I only answered once when I knew the kids were home from school. Trying to distance myself. I thought about our argument and realized that I came at him about the fb thing and accused him. It was definitely not what it says to do in DR and I'm sure he felt attacked and attacked back. That is how he is. He can be very nasty when he feels like he is being attacked. I should have stated the boundaries calmly and not tied it with the argument about the OW and FB.

The other thing I thought about was what got me going was that I was with a friend when I was looking at FB. She gave me an earful about leaving him, him never changing, etc. I need to remind myself to stop talking to other people. Although my friends care I know I need to learn to shut my mouth because it makes things so much worse. I am very vulnerable to other's opinions.

So, for now I am back to just going about my business and fixing myself. No IC this week bc my C was sick. I was supposed to go last night. Maybe had I gone my evening would have gone differently. I have to learn to stop arguing. For now he is still there and I need to make the best of it until our situation changes. The best thing I can do is to follow the 180s. When I was doing that before it was working. It is always when I stop that things go sour.