Separated, in different states....

[Lampstand]

I had two EA's (2011 & 2012) in retaliation to his porn habit. I was arrested for domestic violence in 2011 for breaking H's laptop (he was looking at porn). He is now in recovery for porn addiction and today I have no complaints with that. After my arrest he left to live with his parents for 2 months but wanted to come home immediately. I now believe that it was his guilt over my arrest that led him to want to come home, rather than love for me. So we reconciled in 12/2011 and he left again a month ago because I gave him an ultimatum about his behavior (not being a moral leader of the family). He took off when I was at church and just left a note. I was so hurt over that about 2 weeks ago I emailed him about getting a legal separation. He said go ahead and let's keep it easy and cheap. Since that email we've chatted twice and then I stopped that. He has expressed regret over "making snap decisions" but he's made no move towards reconciliation.

I'd like to reconcile because I do love him (even though I could never express it) and I don't believe our problems are insurmountable. The past 4 years I've just been focused on his shortcomings and trying to get him to change. I'm doing a 180 and now I want to change me.

Hope that clarifies.