I think I'm in a phase where I am questioning my own self-worth and putting far too much blame on myself. I own my part in the failure of my M. I think I can pretty much pinpoint where I went wrong...
Good! Then you've GROWN. Now quit beating yourself up! Who among us has never made a mistake? The mark of value is when one can learn from their mistakes and grow/ transform into a better person because of them. That's what makes us who we are! Personal growth occurs THROUGH mistakes, not in spite of them!
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I just feel like my H is so far gone in his head w OW that until he "lives his fantasy out" to find out it is just that--a fantasy, that he will not come back to me.
You have to accept that possibility. That's why you have to make this about you, you cannot control your H or OW but you can control you. I wrote my M off and moved on, that's when W started showing signs of interest again. Same thing happened to Denver, he was even referring to his W as STBXW in his posts, that's how far gone he thought things were. But the key is you have to REALLY be THAT detached, not pretending you're that detached. You have to detach to the point that you know you will be fine with or without your H.
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And so my 180s although have been noticed have not made any difference in H's actions since BD.
But have they made a difference in YOU?
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I know not to believe what he says, but if we can't believe anything they say and only 1/2 of what they do, then what DO we believe? Where is the reality for us, the LBSs?
The reality is that we NEVER know what their state of mind is. My W was seemingly calm, cool and collected for all these months, apparently confident in her decision to leave. At least, that's what I thought, right up until RetroV when she admitted that she has been crying constantly since moving out. She's been miserable. WAS's are brilliant actors. Talk about acting "as if", they are the masters!
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After 20 years together it is just so.....unreal. Sad.
Believe me, I relate to your pain and confusion. I constantly asked myself how this could be happening to us after 25 years. How can a relationship go that long and suddenly implode? But it happens. People change, even after decades. Accept that it may be over and prepare yourself for life after. But hold some hope in your heart anyway.
