I never had a session as most of my discretionary funds were tied up in the litigation process!
I guess all I can reasonably tell you would be to continue to wipe your head 100% clean of what you THOUGHT you knew. By now, you should have arrived at the point where you realize at best it was flawed....at worst - dead wrong.
Also, and I say this because I did it at the stage you were in, stop looking for immediate cause and effect relationships in your words and actions. It is human nature to seek these out, but it is not helpful to the road you are currently on. It ties back to control (illusion of?) and the comfort we derive from it. "If I....then wife willl...." we think we can predict actions and protect ourselved from pain and uncertainty.- right now that is just not going to work for you. Don't know why, but I have been wanting to tell you that.
